The Project Gutenberg eBook of More Goops and How Not to Be Them, by Gelett Burgess.

WHEN TO GO

When you go a-calling,

Never stay too late;

You will wear your welcome out

If you hesitate!

Just before they're tired of you,

Just before they yawn,

Before they think you are a Goop,

And wish that you were gone,

While they're laughing with you,

While they like you so,

While they want to keep you,—

That's the time to go!

NELL THE NIBBLER

She ate some chocolate drops at 1,

At 2, she thought she'd take

A little jelly and a bun;

At 3, some frosted cake.

At 4, she nibbled at a roll;

At 5, a doughnut spied,

And ate it (all except the hole),

And then some cookies tried.

At 6, she didn't feel quite right,

And didn't care for dinner.

She said she had no appetite,

With so much Goop-food in her!

JUSTICE

Whenever brother's sent to bed,

Or punished, do not go

And peer at him and jeer at him,

And say, "I told you so!"

Nor should you try to make him laugh

When he has been so bad;

Let him confess his naughtiness

Before you both are glad!

A PUZZLE

There are about a thousand things

I'm not allowed to do;

Most everything I'm fondest of

I'm told is wrong—are you?

They say, "Please don't do that, my child!"

They say, "You mustn't, dear!"

I hope sometime I'll learn what's right,

For now it seems so queer!

WALKING WITH PAPA

"Won't you walk a little farther?"

Said a Goop to his Papa;

"It is really quite delightful,

And we haven't travelled far;

Wont you walk a little farther,

There's a house I'd like to see!

Won't you walk a little farther,

Till we reach that cherry-tree?"

"Won't you carry me? I'm tired!"

Whined a Goop to his Papa;

"And my feet are sore and weary,

And we've gone so very far!

Won't you carry me? I'm tired!

And I can't walk back alone!

Won't you carry me? I'm tired!"

And the Goop began to groan.

PIANO TORTURE

Pianos are considered toys

By Goops, and naughty girls and boys;

They pound upon the keys,

They lift the cover up, on top,

To see the little jiggers hop,

And both the pedals squeeze!

But instruments so rich and fine

(Especially if they're not mine)

I ought to treat with care;

So when my elder sister plays

She'll find it is in tune always,

Nor injured anywhere!

HOW TO EAT SOUP

Whenever you are eating soup
Remember not to be a Goop!
And if you think to say this rhyme,
Perhaps 'twill help you every time:

Like little boats that put to sea,
I push my spoon AWAY from me;
I do not tilt my dish, nor scrape
The last few drops, like hungry ape!

Like little boats, that, almost filled,
Come back without their cargoes spilled,
My spoon sails gently to my lips,
Unloading from the SIDE, like ships.

BABY'S APOLOGY

Dear little seed, queer little seed,

Tucked into bed in the garden,

Why don't you grow? Why, don't you know

Baby is asking your pardon?

Out, little seed! Sprout, little seed!

Baby did wrong without knowing!

Hoping for you, groping for you,

To see if you really were growing.

Break, little seed! Wake, little seed!

Baby will watch and not harm you.

Everything's bright, everything's right,

Nothing is here to alarm you.

Dress, little seed! Yes, little seed,

Fold your green leaflets around you;

There, little seed! Fair little seed,

Baby's so glad he has found you!

THE GOOP PICNIC

They came to the best sort of place for a rest,

On the grass, with the trees overhead,

They sat down in a bunch and they opened their lunch,

And they had a be-autiful spread!

And when they were done, and they'd had all their fun,

They proved they were Goops, or were blind;

For they picked up their wraps and they left all their scraps

For the next picnic party to find!

POOR MOTHER!

Oh! Isn't it shocking!

Just look at your stocking!

Just look at your brand new boots!

Your waist is all torn

And your trousers are worn—

Just look at the holes in your suits!

Your father is working

All day, without shirking,

To pay for the clothes that you wear;

Your mother is mending

All day, and attending

To you, with the kindest of care.

And so, while you're playing,

Think of father, who's paying,

And mother, who's working so hard;

While you kneel on your knees,

Or climb up the trees,

Or make your mud pies in the yard!

VISITING

When a Goop goes out to visit,

'T isn't very pleasant, is it,

To hear him ask his friends for things to eat?

And to hear the little sinner

Say he wants to stay to dinner

Is a piece of impoliteness hard to beat!

"Mother said that I could stay

If you asked me!" is the way

That a Goop will make them ask him to remain.

It is better to be slighted

Than to stay when not invited,

For they never ask a Goop to come again!

LOYALTY

Mother's found your mischief out!

What are you going to do?

Cry and sulk, or kick and shout?

Tell your mother all about

Brother's mischief, too?

Or,

Take your punishment, and say,

"I'll be better, now!"

Never mind the horrid way

Brother treated you, at play;

Don't tell it, anyhow!

It is the Goops, who have no shame,

Who say, "'Twas some one else to blame!"

THE LAW OF HOSPITALITY

There is a very simple rule

That every one should know;

You may not hear of it in school,

But everywhere you go,

In every land where people dwell,

And men are good and true,

You'll find they understand it well,

And so I'll tell it you:

To every one who gives me food,

Or shares his home with me,

I owe a debt of gratitude,

And I must loyal be.

I may not laugh at him, or say

Of him a word unkind;

His friendliness I must repay,

And to his faults be blind!

EXAGGERATION

Don't try to tell a story

To beat the one you've heard;

For if you try, you're apt to lie,

And that would be absurd!

Don't try to be more funny

Than any one in school;

For if you're not, they'll laugh a lot,

And think you are a fool!

NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!

Do you slam the door?

Do you drag your feet?

Making noise enough for four

Hundred thousand Goops, or more,

Tearing up the street?

Clattering down the stairs,

Storming through the hall,

Pounding floors, upsetting chairs,

Do you think your father cares

For your noise, at all?

INQUISITIVENESS

I gave a letter to a Goop

To take to Mrs. Bird;

And what d'you think he went and did?

He read it, every word!

Now, isn't that the rudest thing

That you have ever heard?

Why, he would peep through keyholes,

And listen at the door!

And open parcels, just to see

What came from every store!

Now, have you ever ever heard

Of such a Goop before?

WET FEET

Down the street together,

In the rainy weather,

Went a pair of little boys along;

One of them went straying

In the gutters playing,

Doing all his mother said was wrong;

One of them went dashing

Into puddles splashing,

Under dripping eaves that soaked him through;

One of them avoided

All the other boy did,

Dodging all the slimy, slushy goo.

One of them grew chilly;

Said he felt so ill he

Knew he'd caught a cold, and coughed a lot!

The other was so warm he

Said he liked it stormy!

Which of them was Goop, and which was not?

THE REASON WHY

Everybody liked Ezekiel.

Why?

You could scarcely find his equal.

Why?

If he made a mistake,

He said he was wrong;

If he went on an errand,

He wasn't gone long;

He never would bully,

Although he was strong!

Everybody hated Mello.

Why?

He was such a surly fellow.

Why?

If you asked him for candy,

He'd hide his away;

He never would play

What the rest wished to play;

He would say horrid words

That he oughtn't to say!

IN GOOP ATTIRE

I'll make you a dress of a towel,

And trim it all over with soap,

With a sponge for a hat

And a wet one, at that!

And then you'll be happy, I hope!

You may act like a Goop, if you please,

In garments constructed like these!

But now, while you're dressed up so neatly,

Don't wipe off your hands on your frock!

The smooching that lingers

When you wipe off your fingers,

Will give your dear mother a shock!

The result will be even more shocking,

If you wipe off your shoes on your stocking!

IMPOSSIBLE!

There once was a Goop (it is hard to believe

Such unpleasant behavior of you!)

Who always was wiping his nose on his sleeve;

I hope that this Goop wasn't you!

He always was spitting (for fun, I suppose),

I couldn't believe, it of you!

And putting his fingers up into his nose;

I KNOW that this Goop wasn't you!

*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MORE GOOPS AND HOW NOT TO BE THEM: A MANUAL OF MANNERS FOR IMPOLITE INFANTS ***

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The Project Gutenberg eBook of More Goops and How Not to Be Them: A Manual of Manners for Impolite Infants

MORE GOOPSandHow Not to Be Them:

A Manual of Manners for Impolite Infants

Books by Gelett Burgess

MORE GOOPS

How Not to Be Them

By GELETT BURGESS

CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

WINDOW-SMOOCHERS

A LOW TRICK

WHEN TO GO

"AIN'T"

NELL THE NIBBLER

JUSTICE

A PUZZLE

FRANKNESS

THE DUTY OF THE STRONG

WALKING WITH PAPA

PIANO TORTURE

AT TABLE

HOW TO EAT SOUP

BABY'S APOLOGY

IN THE STREET

SICK FURNITURE

BORROWED PLUMES

THE GOOP PICNIC

BOOK-MANNERS

POOR MOTHER!

CHEATING

GOOP! GOOP! GOOP!

VISITING

PICKING and STEALING

LOYALTY

INDOLENCE

THE LAW OF HOSPITALITY

THE FLOWER HOSPITAL

PUPPY GOOPS

EXAGGERATION

NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!

STEALING RIDES

UNTIDY GOOPS

A GOOP PARTY

INQUISITIVENESS

DON'T BE GOOD

DON'T BE BAD

WRITE RIGHT!

WET FEET

DRESS QUICKLY!

DANGER!

THE REASON WHY

IN GOOP ATTIRE

IMPOSSIBLE!

THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE

MORE GOOPS
and
How Not to Be Them: