The Project Gutenberg eBook of Alice in Wonderland: A Dramatization of Lewis Carroll's "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass", by Alice Gerstenberg.

Rights to produce this play in all countries of the world
are reserved by Alice Gerstenberg

This dramatic rendering of Alice in Wonderland, by Alice Gerstenberg of Chicago, was produced by The Players Producing Company of Chicago (Aline Barnsdall and Arthur Bissell), at the Fine Arts Theater, Chicago, February 11, 1915. After a successful run it opened at the Booth Theater, New York, March 23, 1915.

The scenery and the costumes were designed by William Penhallow Henderson of Chicago.

The music was written by Eric De Lamarter of Chicago.

The advertising posters and cards were designed by Jerome Blum of Chicago.

The illustrations of the characters of the play in this book were drawn by J. Allen St. John from photographs by Victor Georg of Chicago.

W. H. Gilmore staged the play with the following cast:

Alice in Wonderland

Miss Gerstenberg’s manuscript called for costumes after the illustrations of John Tenniel, and scenery of the simple imaginative type, the “new art” in the theater.

ACT I

Alice’s home. Lewis Carroll is discovered, playing chess. Golden-haired Alice, in a little blue dress, a black kitten in her arms, stands watching him.

A red pawn took a white pawn; this way. You see, Alice, the chessboard is divided into sixty-four squares, red and white, and the white army tries to win and the red army tries to win. It’s like a battle!

Yes, here are the Kings and Queens they are fighting for. That’s the Red Queen and here’s the White Queen.

Here you are [he points to a small white pawn] here you are in your little stiff skirt!

When you have traveled all along the board this way and haven’t been taken by the enemy you may be a queen.

Why do people always play with kings and queens? Mother has them in her playing cards too. Look!

Here’s the King of Hearts and here’s his wife; she’s the Queen of Hearts—isn’t she cross-looking? wants to bite one’s head off.

That’s one way of keeping in practice, Alice; I have friends in the university who want to beat me.

Oh! I never do! I’d scold myself hard. I always pretend I’m two people too. It’s lots of fun, isn’t it? Sometimes when I’m all alone I walk up to the looking glass and talk to the other Alice. She’s so silly, that Alice; she can’t do anything by herself. She just mocks me all the time. When I laugh, she laughs, when I point my finger at her, she points her finger at me, and when I stick my tongue out at her she sticks her tongue out at me! Kitty has a twin too, haven’t you darling?

I’ll have to write a book some day about Alice—Alice in wonderland, “Child of the pure unclouded brow and dreaming eyes of wonder!” or, Alice through the looking glass!

There’s the room you can see through the glass; it’s just the same as our living-room here, only the things go the other way. I can see all of it—all but the bit just behind the fireplace. Oh! I do wish I could see that bit! I want so much to know if they’ve a fire there. You never can tell, you know, unless our fire smokes. Then smoke comes up in that room too—but that may be just to make it look as if they had a fire—just to pretend they had. The books are something like our books,[Pg 5] only the words go the wrong way. Won’t there ever be any way of our getting through, uncle?

It doesn’t sound awful good, does it; but I might leave her at home. She’s been into an awful lot of mischief today. She found sister’s knitting and chased the ball all over the garden where sister was playing croquet with the neighbors. And I ran and ran after the naughty little thing until I was all out of breath and so tired! I am tired.

We’re going to have mock turtle soup for supper! I heard mamma tell the cook not to pepper it too much.

[He leans gently over the back of her chair, and seeing[Pg 6] that she is going to sleep puts out the lamp light and leaves the room. A red glow from the fireplace illumines Alice.]

[Dream music. A bluish light reveals the Red Chess Queen and the White Chess Queen in the mirror.]

[Rises, and talks sleepily. The Queens disappear. Alice climbs from the arm of the chair to the back of another and so on up to the mantel ledge, where she picks her way daintily between the vases.]

I—don’t—know—how—I—can—get—through. I’ve tried—before—but the glass was hard—and I was afraid of cutting—my fingers—

Why, it’s soft like gauze; it’s turning into a sort of mist; why, it’s easy to get through! Why—why—I’m going through!

[Is Scene One, reversed. The portieres are black and red squares like a chessboard. A soft radiance follows the characters mysteriously. As the curtain rises Alice comes through the looking glass; steps down, looks about in wonderment and goes to see if there is a “fire.” The Red Queen rises out of the grate and faces her haughtily.]

Of course I am! Where do you come from? And where are you going? Look up, speak nicely, and don’t twiddle your fingers!

I only wanted to see what the looking glass was like. Perhaps I’ve lost my way.

I don’t know what you mean by your way; all the ways about here belong to me. Curtsey while you’re thinking what to say. It saves time.

It’s time for you to answer now; open your mouth a little wider when you speak, and always say, “Your Majesty.” I suppose you don’t want to lose your name?

And yet I don’t know, only think how convenient it would be if you could manage to go home without it! For instance, if the governess wanted to call you to your lessons, she would call out “come here,” and there she would have to leave off, because there wouldn’t be any name for her to call, and of course you wouldn’t have to go, you know.

That would never do, I’m sure; the governess would never think of excusing me from lessons for that. If she couldn’t remember my name, she’d call me “Miss,” as the servants do.

Well, if she said “Miss,” and didn’t say anything more, of course you’d miss your lessons. I dare say you can’t even read this book.

It’s all in some language I don’t know. Why, it’s a looking-glass book, of course! And if I hold it up to a glass, the words will all go the right way again.

Jabberwocky
’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

It seems very pretty, but it’s rather hard to understand; somehow it seems to fill my head with ideas—only I don’t exactly know what they are.

[Pg 10][She takes a right angle course to the portieres and points to them with her sceptre.]

It’s marked out just like a big chessboard. I wouldn’t mind being a pawn, though of course I should like to be a Red Queen best.

That’s easily managed. When you get to the eighth square you’ll be a Queen. It’s a huge game of chess that’s being played—all over the world. Come on, we’ve got to run. Faster, don’t try to talk.

Nearly there! Why, we passed it ten minutes ago. Faster. You may rest a little now.

Well, in our country you’d generally get to somewhere else—if you ran very fast for a long time as we’ve been doing.

A slow sort of country. Now here you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that.

I’d rather not try, please! I’m quite content to stay here—only I am so hot and thirsty.

At the end of two yards I shall give you your directions—have another biscuit?

Thirst quenched, I hope? At the end of three yards I shall repeat them—for fear of your forgetting them. At the end of four, I shall say good-bye. And at the end of five, I shall go! That Square belongs to Humpty Dumpty and that Square to the Gryphon and Mock Turtle and that Square to the Queen of Hearts. But you make no remark?

You should have said, “It’s extremely kind of you to tell me all this,” however, we’ll suppose it said. Four! Good-bye! Five!

[Red Queen vanishes in a gust of wind behind the portieres. Rabbit music. White Rabbit comes out of the fireplace and walks about the room hurriedly. He wears a checked coat, carries white kid gloves in one hand, a fan in the other and takes out his watch to look at it anxiously.]

Oh the Duchess! the Duchess! Oh! won’t she be savage if I’ve kept her waiting!

I’ve never seen a rabbit with a waistcoat and a watch! And a waistcoat pocket! If you please, sir—

[He drops fan and gloves in fright and dashes out by way of the portieres in a gust of wind. Alice picks up the fan and playfully puts on the gloves. The portieres flap in the breeze and a shawl flies in.]

[Catches the shawl and looks about for the owner; then meets the White Queen.]

[Runs in wildly, both arms stretched out wide as if she were flying, and cries in a helpless frightened way.]

Well, yes, if you call that a-dressing. It isn’t my notion of the thing, at all.

If your Majesty will only tell me the right way to begin, I’ll do it as well as I can.

But I don’t want it done at all. I’ve been a-dressing myself for the last two hours.

Every single thing’s crooked, and you’re all over pins; may I put your shawl straight for you?

I don’t know what’s the matter with it! It’s out of temper. I’ve pinned it here, and I’ve pinned it there, but there’s no pleasing it.

It can’t go straight, you know, if you pin it all on one side, and dear me, what a state your hair is in!

I’m sure I’ll take you with pleasure. Two pence a week and jam every other day.

You couldn’t have it if you did want it. The rule is, jam tomorrow and jam yesterday—but never jam today.

No, it can’t, it’s jam every other day; today isn’t any other day, you know.

That’s the effect of living backwards, it always makes one a little giddy at first—

I’m sure mine only works one way. I can’t remember things before they happen.

There’s the King’s messenger—he’s in prison being punished; and the trial doesn’t even begin till next Wednesday; and of course the crime comes last of all.

Of course it would be all the better, but it wouldn’t be all the better his being punished.

Yes, but then I had done the things I was punished for; that makes all the difference.

But if you hadn’t done them that would have been better still; better and better and better!

That accounts for the bleeding, you see; now you understand the way things happen here.

Why, I’ve done all the screaming already. What would be the good of having it all over again? Oh! it’s time to run if you want to stay in the same place! Come on!

[There is music, and the sound of rushing wind, and in the darkness the White Queen cries: “Faster, faster”; Alice gasps: “I can’t—please stop”; and the Queen replies: “Then you can’t stay in the same place. I’ll have to drop you behind. Faster—faster, good-bye.”]

When the curtain rises one sees nothing but odd black lanterns with orange lights, hanging, presumably, from the sky. The scene lights up slowly revealing Alice seated on two large cushions. She has been “dropped behind” by the White Queen and is dazed to find herself in a strange hall with many peculiar doors and knobs too high to reach.

[Pg 22] I’ve never been smaller than any table before! I’ve always been able to reach the knobs! What a curious feeling. Oh! I’m shrinking. It’s the fan—the gloves!

[She throws them away, feels her head and measures herself against table and doors.]

Oh! the Duchess! Oh! my fur and whiskers! She’ll get me executed, as sure as ferrets are ferrets! Oh! you have them!

If you please sir—where am I?—won’t you please—tell me how to get out—I want to get out—

[A trap door gives way and Rabbit disappears. Alice dashes after only in time to have the trap door bang in her face.]

It’s a rabbit-hole—I’m small enough to fit it too! If I shrink any more it might end in my going out altogether like a candle. I wonder what I would be like then! What does the flame of a candle look like after the candle is blown out? I’ve never seen such a thing!

Don’t stand chattering to yourself like that, but tell me your name and your business.

Of course it must; my name means the shape I am—and a good, handsome shape it is, too. With a name like yours, you might be any shape, almost.

Why, because there’s nobody with me. Did you think I didn’t know the answer to that? Ask another.

Don’t you think you’d be safer down on the ground? That wall’s so very narrow.

What tremendously easy riddles you ask! Of course I don’t think so. Take a good look at me! I’m one that has spoken to a king, I am; to show you I’m not proud, you may shake hands with me!

[He leans forward to offer Alice his hand but she is too small to reach it.]

However, this conversation is going on a little too fast; let’s go back to the last remark but one.

Wrong! You never said a word about it. Now if you’d asked my advice, I’d have said, “Leave off at seven—but—”

What a beautiful belt you’ve got on. At least, a beautiful cravat, I should have said—no, a belt, I mean—I beg your pardon. If only I knew which was neck and which was waist.

It is a—most—provoking—thing, when a person doesn’t know a cravat from a belt.

It’s a cravat, child, and a beautiful one, as you say. There’s glory for you.

When I use a word, it means just what I choose it to mean—neither more nor less.

The question is, which is to be master—that’s all. Impenetrability! That’s what I say!

I meant by “impenetrability” that we’ve had enough of that subject, and it would be just as well if you’d mention what you mean to do next, as I suppose you don’t mean to stop here all the rest of your life.

Ah, you should see ’em come round me of a Saturday night, for to get their wages, you know. That’s all—Good-bye.

I shouldn’t know you again, if we did meet, you’re so exactly like other people.

That’s just what I complain of. Your face is the same as everybody has—the two eyes—so—nose in the middle, mouth under. It’s always the same. Now if you had the two eyes on the same side of the nose, for instance—or the mouth at the top—that would be some help.

[She tries to open the doors. They are all locked; she begins to weep. She walks weeping to a high glass table and sits down on its lower ledge. She sits on a big golden key and picks it up in surprise. She tries it on all the doors but it does not fit. She weeps and weeps—and Wonderland grows dark to her in her despair. In the darkness she cries, “Oh! I’m slipping! Oh, Oh! it’s a lake; Oh! my tears! I’m floating!” A mysterious light shows a “Drink me” sign around a bottle on the top of the table. Alice floats up to it panting, and holding on to the edge of the table takes up the bottle.]

This is good! Tastes like cherry tart, custard, pineapple, roast turkey, toffy and hot buttered toast—all together. Oh! Oh! I’m letting out like a telescope.

But the lake is rising too. Oh! Oh! it’s deep! I’m drowning. Help, help, I’m drowning, I’m drowning in my tears!

[The Gryphon, a huge green creature with big glittering wings, appears where Humpty Dumpty had been and reaches glittering claws over to grab and save Alice.]

Is symbolic of a wet and rocky shore in a weird green light. The Mock Turtle is weeping dismally.

He sobs as if he had a bone in his throat. He sighs as if his heart would break. What is his sorrow?

It’s all his fancy that. Mock Turtle hasn’t got no sorrow. This here young lady, she wants for to know your history, she do.

I’ll tell it her. Sit down both of you, and don’t speak a word till I’ve finished.

[A long silence is broken only by the exclamations, “Hjckrrh,” of the Gryphon and the heavy sobbing of the Mock Turtle.]

When we were little, we went to school in the sea. The master was an old Turtle—we used to call him tortoise—

You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking such a simple question. Drive on, old fellow! Don’t be all day about it!

Ah! Then yours wasn’t a really good school. Now at ours they had at the end of the bill, French, music, and washing—extra.

Reeling and writhing, of course, to begin with, and then the different branches of Arithmetic—Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision.

Well, there was Mystery; Mystery, ancient and modern, with Seaography, then Drawling—the Drawling-master was an old conger eel, that used to come once a week; what he taught us was Drawling, Stretching, and Fainting in Coils.

Well, I can’t show it you, myself. I’m too stiff. And the Gryphon never learned it.

Hadn’t time; I went to the Classical master, though. He was an old crab, he was.

That’s the reason they’re called lessons, because they lessen from day to day.

[Mock Turtle sighs deeply, draws back of one flapper across his eyes. He looks at Alice and tries to speak but sobs choke his voice.]

Two lines; seals, turtles, salmon, and so on; then, when you’ve cleared all the jellyfish out of the way—

Come, let’s try the first figure. We can do it without lobsters, you know; which shall sing?

[Pg 40][Creatures solemnly dance round and round Alice, treading on her toes, waving fore-paws to mark time while Mock Turtle sings.]

First Verse
“Will you walk a little faster!” said a whiting to a snail,
“There’s a porpoise close behind us, and he’s treading on my tail.
See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance!
They are waiting on the shingle—will you come and join the dance?
Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, will you join the dance?
Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, won’t you join the dance?

Second Verse
“You can really have no notion how delightful it will be
When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out to sea!”
But the snail replied, “Too far, too far!” and gave a look askance—
Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not join the dance.
Would not, could not, would not, could not, would not join the dance.
Would not, could not, would not, could not, could not join the dance.

[Pg 41][The creatures dance against Alice, pushing her back and forth between them. She protests and finally escapes; they bump against each other.]

Thank you; it’s a very interesting dance to watch, and I do so like that curious song about the whiting.

I don’t know where Din may be, but if you’ve seen them so often, of course you know what they’re like.

I believe so, they have their tails in their mouths—and they’re all over crumbs.

You’re wrong about the crumbs, crumbs would all wash off in the sea. But they have their tails in their mouths; and the reason is—

The reason is, that they would go with the lobsters to the dance. So they got thrown out to sea. So they had to fall a long way. So they got their tails fast in their mouths. So they couldn’t get them out again. That’s all.

Thank you, it’s very interesting. I never knew so much about a whiting before.

I can tell you more than that, if you like. Do you know why it’s called a whiting?

If I’d been the whiting, I’d have said to the porpoise, “Keep back, please; we don’t want you with us.”

They were obliged to have him with them, no wise fish would go anywhere without a porpoise.

Of course not; why if a fish came to me and told me he was going a journey, I should say, “With what porpoise?”

Shall we try another figure of the Lobster Quadrille? Or would you like the Mock Turtle to sing you a song?

“Beautiful Soup, so rich and green,
Waiting in a hot tureen!
Who for such dainties would not stoop?
Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
Beau—ootiful Soo—op,
Beau—ootiful Soo—oop,
Soo—oop of the e-e-evening,
Beautiful, beautiful Soup.”

[Enters, stretching out a red and white checked sash with which he separates Alice from the creatures.]

[The Curtain rises to reveal small silhouettes of the Gryphon, Mock Turtle, and Alice in an orange-colored moon far away in the sky. Down below the White Rabbit is shouting to them, “You’ll be safe in the March Hare’s garden.”]

ACT II

The March Hare’s garden, showing part of the Duchess’ house. On a small platform there is a tea table, set with many cups, continuing into wings to give impression of limitless length. The March Hare, Hatter, and Dormouse are crowded at one end. Alice sits on the ground where she has been dropped from the sky. Finding herself not bruised she rises and approaches the table.

I am the March Hare, that’s the Hatter, and this is the Dormouse. Have some wine?

I didn’t know it was your table; it’s laid for a great many more than three.

Come, we shall have some fun now! I’m glad you’ve begun asking riddles—I believe I can guess that.

I do; at least—at least I mean what I say—that’s the same thing, you know.

Not the same thing a bit! Why, you might just as well say that “I see what I eat” is the same thing as, “I eat what I see!”

You might just as well say that “I like what I get,” is the same thing as “I get what I like.”

You might just as well say that “I breathe when I sleep” is the same thing as “I sleep when I breathe.”

Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well; you shouldn’t have put it in with the bread-knife—

[Takes the watch, looks at it gloomily, dips it into his cup of tea and looks at it again but doesn’t know what else to say.]

What a funny watch! It tells the day of the month, and doesn’t tell what o’clock it is.

Of course not, but that’s because it stays the same year for such a long time together.

I don’t quite understand you. What you said had no sort of meaning in it and yet it was certainly English.

I think you might do something better with the time, than wasting it in asking riddles that have no answers.

If you knew Time as well as I do, you wouldn’t talk about wasting it. It’s him.

Ah, that accounts for it. He won’t stand beating. Now, if you only kept on good terms with him, he’d do almost anything you liked with the clock. For instance, suppose it were nine o’clock in the morning, just time to begin lessons. You’d only have to whisper a hint to Time, and round goes the clock in a twinkling! Half past one, time for dinner.

That would be grand, certainly, but then—I shouldn’t be hungry for it, you know.

Not at first, perhaps, but you could keep it to half past one as long as you liked.

Not I, we quarreled last March—just before he went mad, you know. It was at the great concert given by the Queen of Hearts and I had to sing.

Well, I’d hardly finished the first verse when the Queen bawled out, “He’s murdering the time! Off with his head!”

And ever since that, he won’t do a thing I ask! It’s always six o’clock now.

Yes, that’s it; it’s always tea time, and we’ve no time to wash the things between whiles.

Once upon a time there were three little sisters, and their[Pg 56] names were Elsie, Lacie, and Tillie and they lived at the bottom of a well—

You mean, you can’t take less; it’s very easy to take more than nothing.

One, indeed! And so these three little sisters—they were learning to draw, you know—

[Hatter moves on, Dormouse takes his place, March Hare takes Dormouse’s place and Alice unwillingly takes March Hare’s place.]

You can draw water out of a water well, so I should think you could draw treacle out of a treacle well—eh, stupid?

Of course they were—well in. They were learning to draw, and they drew all manner of things—everything that begins with an M—

—that begins with an M, such as mousetraps and the moon and memory and muchness—you know you say things are “much of a muchness”—did you ever see such a thing as a drawing of a muchness?

You are very rude. It’s the stupidest tea party I ever was at in all my life—

[Pg 62][Rabbit pays no attention to them but goes to the house and raps loudly. A footman in livery with a round face and large eyes like a frog and powdered hair opens the door.]

[The Frog disappears into the house but leaves the door open. There is a terrible din and many sauce pans fly out.]

[The platform moves off with table, chairs, March Hare, [Pg 63]Hatter, and Dormouse. Meanwhile the Frog has come out again and is sitting near the closed door, staring stupidly at the sky. Alice goes to the door timidly and knocks.]

There’s no sort of use in knocking, and that for two reasons: first, because I’m on the same side of the door as you are; secondly, because they’re making such a noise inside, no one could possibly hear you.

There might be some sense in your knocking if we had the door between us. For instance, if you were inside, you might knock, and I could let you out, you know.

[The door opens and a large plate skims out straight at the Frog’s head; it grazes his nose and breaks into pieces.]

It’s really dreadful the way all you creatures argue. It’s enough to drive one crazy.

[The Frog looks at the door, and rubs his thumb on it to see if the paint will come off.]

[She starts to open the door just as the Duchess comes out carrying a pig in baby’s clothes. She sneezes—Frog sneezes and Alice sneezes.]

[Duchess begins to sing to the baby, giving it a violent shake at the end of every line of the lullaby.]

[Duchess sneezes, Frog sneezes, Alice sneezes, Duchess gasps and gives a tremendous sneeze.]

[She jumps aside as kettles and pots come flying out of the door. The Duchess pays no attention.]

If everybody minded her own business, the world would go round a deal faster than it does.

Which would not be an advantage. Just think what work it would make with the day and night! You see the earth takes twenty-four hours to turn round on its axis—

I didn’t know that Cheshire cats always grinned; in fact, I didn’t know that cats could grin.

You don’t know much and that’s a fact. Here, you may nurse it a bit, if you like!

If I don’t take this child away with me, they’re sure to kill it in a day or two. Cheshire Puss, would you tell me please, which way I ought to walk from here?

Oh, you can’t help that; we’re all mad here. I’m mad. He’s mad. He’s dreaming now, and what do you think he’s dreaming about?

Why, about you! And if he left off dreaming about you, where do you suppose you’d be?

Not you. You’d be nowhere. Why, you’re only a sort of thing in his dream; and you’re mad too.

Well then, you see a dog growls when it’s angry, and wags its[Pg 72] tail when it’s pleased. Now I growl when I’m pleased, and wag my tail when I’m angry. Therefore I’m mad.

Oh, dear, it’s heavy and so ugly. Don’t grunt—Oh—Oh—it’s a—pig. Please Mr. Footman take it!

[Rises with dignity, whistles and disappears into the house; a kettle comes bounding out. Alice puts pig down and it crawls off.]

I said pig; and I wish you wouldn’t keep appearing and vanishing so suddenly; you make one quite giddy.

[Frog puts flamingoes down and reenters house. While Alice is examining the flamingoes curiously, Tweedledum and Tweedledee, each with an arm round the other’s neck, sidestep in and stand looking at Alice.]

[The brothers give each other a hug, then hold out the two hands that are free, to shake hands with her. Alice does not like shaking hands with either of them first, for fear of hurting the other one’s feelings; she takes hold of both hands at once and they all dance round in a ring, quite naturally to music, “Here we go round the mulberry bush.”]

The Carpenter said nothing but
“Cut us another slice.
I wish you were not quite so deaf—
I’ve had to ask you twice!”

“It seems a shame,” the Walrus said,
“To play them such a trick,
After we’ve brought them out so far,
And made them trot so quick!”

[She backs down stage respectfully as the King and Queen of Hearts enter, followed by the Knave of Hearts carrying the King’s crown on a crimson velvet cushion, and the White Rabbit and others. When they come opposite to Alice they stop and look at her.]

[She takes a flamingo, uses its neck as a mallet and a hedgehog as a ball. The Frog doubles himself into an arch. The King does the same with the followers and the Knave offers himself as an arch for Alice. Even though Alice does not notice him he holds the arch position. The Queen shouts at intervals, “Off with his head, off with her head.”]

Oh, hush! The Queen will hear you! You see they came rather late and the Queen said—Oh dear, the Queen hears me—

What does it matter where my body happens to be? My mind goes on working just the same. The fact of it is, the more head downwards I am, the more I keep on inventing new things.

Four thousand, two hundred and seven, that’s the exact number. They couldn’t send all the horses, you know, because two of them are wanted in the game. And I haven’t sent the two messengers, either.

The red Chess King has the whole army against us but he can’t kill a man who has thirteen hearts.

[The Duchess, Queen, Frog, and followers go out. The Knave and the Five-Spot, Seven-Spot, and Nine-Spot of Hearts stand behind the King.]

I only wish I had such eyes; to be able to see Nobody! And at that distance too! Why, it’s as much as I can do to see real people, by this light.

I see somebody now! But he’s coming very slowly—and what curious attitudes he goes into—skipping up and down, and wriggling like an eel.

Not at all, those are Anglo-Saxon attitudes. He only does them when he’s happy. I must have two messengers, you know—to come and go. One to come and one to go.

Don’t I tell you? I must have two—to fetch and carry. One to fetch, and one to carry.

[Enters, pants for breath—waves his hands about and makes fearful faces at the King.]

Quite right; this young lady saw him too. So of course Nobody walks slower than you.

He can’t do that; or else he’d have been here first. However, now you’ve got your breath, you may tell us what’s happened in the town.

Do you call that a whisper? If you do such a thing again, I’ll have you buttered. It went through and through my head like an earthquake. Give me details, quick!

[Pg 88][The King and March Hare go out, followed by Five, Seven, and Nine Spots.]

You’re thinking about something, my dear, and that makes you forget to talk. I can’t tell you just now what the moral of that is, but I shall remember it in a bit.

[Squeezes closely, digs her chin into Alice’s shoulder, and roughly drags Alice along for a walk.]

’Tis so, and the moral of that is—“Oh, ’tis love, ’tis love, that makes the world go round!”

Ah, well! It means much the same thing, and the moral of that is—“Take care of the sense, and the sounds will take care of themselves.”

I daresay you’re wondering why I don’t put my arm round your waist. The reason is, that I’m doubtful about the temper of your flamingo. Shall I try the experiment?

Very true; flamingoes and mustard both bite. And the moral of that is—“Birds of a feather flock together.”

Of course it is; there’s a large mustard mine near here. And the moral of that is—“The more there is of mine, the less there is of yours.”

I quite agree with you, and the moral of that is—“Be what you would seem to be;” or, if you’d like it put more simply, “Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise.”

I think I should understand that better if I had it written down, but I can’t quite follow it as you say it.

Oh, don’t talk about trouble; I make you a present of everything I’ve said as yet.

[The arm of the Duchess begins to tremble and her voice dies down. The Queen of Hearts stands before them with folded arms and frowning like a thunderstorm.]

Now, I give you fair warning, either you or your head must be off, and that in about half no time. Take your choice!

[She goes off and shouts at intervals, “Off with his head; off with her head.”]

It’s no use speaking to you till your ears have come. I don’t think they play at all fairly and they all quarrel so and they don’t seem to have any rules in particular. And you’ve no idea how confusing it is with all the things alive; there’s the arch I’ve got to go through next walking about at the other end of the ground—and I should have croqueted the Queen’s hedgehog just now, only it ran away when it saw mine coming.

[The King, Queen and entire court enter. The Queen is near to Alice. The music stops and all look at Alice questioningly.]

A cat may look at a king. I’ve read that in some book, but I don’t remember where.

If something isn’t done about it in less than no time, I’ll have everybody executed, all round.

[Cries in fear and takes a quick bite at the tart. If there is a trap door on the stage Alice disappears down it, leaving the[Pg 97] crowd circling around the hole screaming and amazed. If the stage has no trap door, a bridge is built across the footlights with stairs leading down into the orchestra pit. When the crowd is chasing Alice she jumps over the footlights onto the bridge and as the curtain is falling dividing her from the crowd she appeals to the audience, “Save me, save me, who will save me?” and runs down the stairs and disappears.]

ACT III

Is a garden of high, very conventional and artificial looking flowers. On a large mushroom sits the Caterpillar smoking a hookah. Alice is whirling about trying to get her equilibrium after her fall. She goes to the mushroom timidly and, conscious of her size, for her chin reaches the top of the mushroom, she gazes at the Caterpillar wonderingly. He looks at her lazily and speaks in a languid voice.

I—I hardly know, sir, just at present. The Queen frightened me so and I’ve had an awfully funny fall down a tunnel or a sort of well. At least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.

I can’t explain myself, I’m afraid, Sir, because I’m not myself, you see. Being so many different sizes in a day is very confusing.

[He puffs at the hookah in silence; finally takes it out of his mouth and unfolds his arms.]

[Looks at her sleepily, yawns, shakes himself, slides down from the mushroom and crawls slowly away.]

One side will make you grow taller, and the other side will make you grow shorter.

[Pg 102][Alice hesitates, then embraces mushroom and picks bit from each side.]

[Three gardeners representing spades enter carrying brushes and red paint cans.]

You’d better not talk. I heard the Queen say only yesterday you deserved to be beheaded.

Yes, it is his business, and I’ll tell him. It was for bringing the cook tulip roots instead of onions.

You ought to have been red, we put you in by mistake, and if the Queen was to find it out we should all have our heads cut off.

[The White Queen backs in from right and Alice backs in from left. They meet. The gardeners cry “The Queen” and throw themselves flat upon the ground; their backs are like the backs of the rest of the pack. Music stops. Alice looks at the Queen curiously.]

I see! Begone, or I’ll send the horses after you, and tell the Queen of Hearts.

[Gardeners rush off. The Red Queen enters. Alice has gone to the mushroom again to look at its sides and there to her amazement finds a gold crown and scepter, which she immediately appropriates. Music. The Queens watch Alice superciliously. Alice puts on her crown, proudly exclaiming in great elation, “Queen Alice,” and walks down stage bowing right and left to the homage of imaginary subjects. She repeats as if scarcely daring to believe it true, “Queen Alice.” Music stops.]

But if everybody obeyed that rule, and if you only spoke when you were spoken to, and the other person always waited for you to begin, you see nobody would ever say anything, so that—

So you did, you know; always speak the truth—think before you speak—and write it down afterwards.

That’s just what I complained of. You should have meant! What do you suppose is the use of a child without any meaning? Even a joke should have some meaning—and a child’s more important than a joke, I hope. You couldn’t deny that, even if you tried with both hands.

She’s in that state of mind, that she wants to deny something—only she doesn’t know what to deny!

I didn’t know I was to have a party at all; but if there is to be one, I think I ought to invite the guests.

We gave you the opportunity of doing it, but I dare say you’ve not had many lessons in manners yet.

Manners are not taught in lessons; lessons teach you to do sums, and things of that sort.

Can you do addition? What’s one and one and one and one and one and one and one and one and one and one?

She can’t do subtraction. Can you do division? Divide a loaf by a knife—what’s the answer to that?

Bread and butter, of course. Try another subtraction sum. Take a bone from a dog; what remains?

The bone wouldn’t remain, of course, if I took it—and the dog wouldn’t remain; it would come to bite me—and I’m sure I shouldn’t remain.

I can do addition, if you give me time—but I can’t do subtraction under any circumstances.

So do I; we’ll often say it over together, dear. And I’ll tell you a secret—I can read words of one letter. Isn’t that grand? However, don’t be discouraged. You’ll come to it in time.

She’s all right again now. Do you know languages? What’s the French for fiddle-de-dee?

If you tell me what language fiddle-de-dee is, I’ll tell you the French for it!

It’s too late to correct it; when you’ve once said a thing, that fixes it, and you must take the consequences.

Part of the roof came off, and ever so much thunder got in—and it went rolling round the room in great lumps—and knocking over the tables and things—till I was so frightened, I couldn’t remember my own name!

I never should try to remember my name in the middle of an accident. Where would be the use of it?

You must excuse her. She means well, but she can’t help saying foolish things, as a general rule. She never was really well brought up, but it’s amazing how good tempered she is! Pat her on the head, and see how pleased she’ll be! A little kindness and putting her hair in papers would do wonders with her.

She’s tired, poor thing; smooth her hair—lend her your night cap—and sing her a soothing lullaby.

[Pg 115] Hush-a-by lady, in Alice’s lap!
Till the feast’s ready, we’ve time for a nap;
When the feast’s over, we’ll go to the ball—
Red Queen and White Queen and Alice and all!

What am I to do? Take care of two Queens asleep at once? Do wake up, you heavy things!

Is a court room suggesting playing cards. The jurymen are all kinds of creatures. The King and Queen of Hearts are seated on the throne. The Knave is before them in chains. The White Rabbit has a trumpet in one hand, and a scroll of parchment in the other. In the middle of the court stands a table with a large dish of tarts upon it.

What are they doing? They can’t have anything to put down yet, before the trial’s begun.

They’re putting down their names for fear they should forget them before the end of the trial.

[Blows three blasts on his trumpet, unrolls parchment scroll and reads to music.]

[Pg 119] The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts,
All on a summer day;
The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts,
And took them quite away!

[Comes in with a teacup in one hand and a piece of bread and butter in the other.]

I beg your pardon, your Majesty, for bringing these in, but I hadn’t quite finished my tea when I was sent for.

Give your evidence and don’t be nervous, or I’ll have you executed on the spot.

[The Hatter continues to shift nervously from one foot to the other, looks uneasily at the Queen, trembles so that he shakes off both of his shoes, and in his confusion bites a large piece out of his teacup instead of the bread and butter.]

I’m a poor man, your Majesty, and I hadn’t but just begun my tea—not above a week or so—and what with the bread and butter getting so thin—and the twinkling of the tea—

I’m a poor man and most things twinkled after that—only the March Hare said—

[The Duchess enters with a pepper pot, which she shakes about. Everybody begins to sneeze. March Hare sneezes and rushes out.]

Collar the Dormouse! Behead the Dormouse! Turn that Dormouse out of court! Suppress him! Pinch him! Off with his whiskers!

[The whole court is in confusion, turning the Dormouse out, and while it is settling down again the Duchess disappears.]

Really, my dear, you must cross-examine the next witness. It quite makes my forehead ache! Call the next witness!

Unimportant, of course I meant. Important—unimportant—unimportant—important. Consider your verdict!

There’s more evidence to come yet, please your Majesty; this paper has just been picked up.

[Pg 127]I haven’t opened it yet, but it seems to be a letter, written by the prisoner to—to somebody.

It must have been that unless it was written to nobody, which isn’t usual, you know.

It isn’t directed at all; in fact, there’s nothing written on the outside.

Please, your Majesty, I didn’t write it and they can’t prove I did; there’s no name signed at the end.

If you didn’t sign it that only makes the matter worse. You must have meant some mischief, or else you’d have signed your name like an honest man.

“They told me you had been to her,
And mentioned me to him;
She gave me a good character,
But said I could not swim.

“I gave her one, they gave him two,
You gave us three or more;
They all returned from him to you,
Though they were mine before.

“My notion was that you had been
(Before she had this fit)
An obstacle that came between
Him, and ourselves, and it.

“Don’t let him know she liked him best,
For this must ever be
A secret, kept from all the rest,
Between yourself and me.”

That’s the most important piece of evidence we’ve heard yet; so now let the jury—

If anyone of them can explain it, I’ll give him sixpence. I don’t believe there’s an atom of meaning in it.

If there’s no meaning in it, that saves a world of trouble, you know, as we needn’t try to find any. And yet I don’t know.

I seem to see some meaning after all. “Said I could not swim.” You can’t swim, can you?

All right, so far; “We know it to be true,” that’s the jury, of course; “I gave her one, they gave him two” why that must be what he did with the tarts, you know—

Why, there they are! Nothing can be clearer than that. Then again, “before she had this fit,” you never had fits, my dear, I think?

[There is dead silence, while the King looks around at the court with a smile.]

[As lights go out and curtain falls all the characters hold their positions as if petrified.]

[The curtain rises to show Alice still asleep in the armchair, the fire in the grate suffusing her with its glow.]

[Off stage the characters repeat their most characteristic lines, “Off with her head,” “Consider your verdict,” “Oh! my fur and whiskers”; the Duchess sneezes, the cat cries,[Pg 133] as if the characters were fading away into the pack of real playing cards which shower through the mirror all over Alice. There is music.]

A dramatization of Lewis Carroll’s
“Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland” and
“Through the Looking Glass”

by
Alice Gerstenberg
Author of
“The Conscience of Sarah Platt”,
“Unquenched Fire,” “A Little World,” etc.

*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ALICE IN WONDERLAND ***

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Lewis Carroll	Frank Stirling
Alice	Vivian Tobin
Red Queen	Florence LeClercq
White Queen	Mary Servoss
White Rabbit	Donald Gallaher
Humpty Dumpty	Alfred Donohoe
Gryphon	Fred W. Permain
Mock Turtle	Geoffrey Stein
Mad Hatter	Geoffrey Stein
March Hare	Fred W. Permain
Dormouse	J. Gunnis Davis
Frog Footman	Walter Kingsford
Duchess	Kenyon Bishop
Cheshire Cat	Alfred Donohoe
King of Hearts	Frederick Annerly
Queen of Hearts	Winifred Hanley
Knave of Hearts	Foxhall Daingerfield
Caterpillar	Walter Kingsford
Two of Spades	Rule Pyott
Five of Spades	France Bendtsen
Seven of Spades	John A. Rice