The Project Gutenberg eBook of A Lover's Diary, Complete

This ebook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this ebook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook.

Title: A Lover's Diary, Complete

Author: Gilbert Parker

Release date: November 18, 2004 [eBook #6274]

Most recently updated: January 27, 2021

Language: English

Credits: Produced by David Widger

*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A LOVER'S DIARY, COMPLETE ***

A LOVER’S DIARY

By Gilbert Parker

CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

THE VISION

ABOVE THE DIN

LOVE’S COURAGE

LOVE’S LANGUAGE

ASPIRATION

THE MEETING

THE NEST

LOVE IS ENOUGH

AT THE PLAY

SO CALM THE WORLD

THE WELCOME

THE SHRINE

THE TORCH

IN ARMOUR,

IN THEE MY ART

DENIAL

TESTAMENT

CAPTIVITY

O MYSTIC WINGS

WAS IT THY FACE?

A WOMAN’S HAND

ONE FACE I SEE

MOTHER

WHEN FIRST I SAW THEE

THE FATES LAUGH

AS ONE WHO WAITETH

THE SEALING

THE PLEDGE

LOVE’S TRIBUTARIES

THE CHOICE

RECOGNITION

THE WAY OF DREAMS

THE ACCOLADE

FALLEN IDOLS

TENNYSON

DREAMS

THE BRIDE

THE WRAITH

SURRENDER

THE CITADEL

MALFEASANCE

ANNUNCIATION

VANISHED DREAMS

INTO THY LAND

DIVIDED

WE MUST LIVE ON

YET LIFE IS SWEET

LOST FOOTSTEPS

THE CLOSED DOOR

THE CHALICE

MIO DESTINO

I HAVE BEHELD

TOO SOON AWAY

THE TREASURE

DAHIN

LOVE’S USURY

THE DECREE

‘TIS MORNING NOW

SACRIFICE

SHINE ON

SO, THOU ART GONE

THE THOUSAND THINGS

THE SEA

THE CHART

REVEALING

OVERCOMING

WHITHER NOW

ARARAT

AS LIGHT LEAPS UP

THE DARKENED WAY

REUNITED

SONG WAS GONE FROM ME

GOOD WAS THE FIGHT

UNCHANGED

ABSOLVO TE

BENEDICTUS

THE MESSAGE

UNAVAILING

YOU SHALL LIVE ON

“VEX NOT THIS GHOST”

THE MEMORY

THE PASSING

ENVOY

INTRODUCTION

‘A Lover’s Diary’ has not the same modest history as ‘Embers’. As far back as 1894 it was given to the public without any apology or excuse, but I have been apologising for it ever since, in one way—without avail. I wished that at least one-fifth of it had not been published; but my apology was never heard till now as I withdraw from this edition of A Lover’s Diary some twenty-five sonnets representing fully one-fifth of the original edition. As it now stands the faint thread of narrative is more distinct, and redundancy of sentiment and words is modified to some extent at any rate. Such material story as there is, apart from the spiritual history embodied in the sonnets, seems more visible now, and the reader has a clearer revelation of a young, aspiring, candid mind shadowed by stern conventions of thought, dogma, and formula, but breaking loose from the environment which smothered it. The price it pays for the revelation is a hopeless love informed by temptation, but lifted away from ruinous elements by self-renunciation, to end with the inevitable parting, poignant and permanent, a task of the soul finished and the toll of the journey of understanding paid.

The six sonnets in italics, beginning with ‘The Bride’, and ending with ‘Annunciation’, have nothing to do with the story further than to show two phases of the youth’s mind before it was shaken by speculation, plunged into the sadness of doubt and apprehension, and before it had found the love which was to reveal it to itself, transform the character, and give new impulse and direction to personal force and individual sense. These were written when I was twenty and twenty-one years of age, and the sonnet sequence of ‘A Lover’s Diary’ was begun when I was twenty-three. They were continued over seven years in varying quantity. Sometimes two or three were written in a week, and then no more would be written for several weeks or maybe months, and it is clearly to be seen from the text, from the change in style, and above all in the nature of the thought that between ‘The Darkened Way’, which ends one epoch, and ‘Reunited’, which begins another and the last epoch, were intervening years.

The sonnet which begins the book and particularly that which ends the book have been very widely quoted, and ‘Envoy’ has been set to music by more than one celebrated musician. Whatever the monotony of a sonnet sequence (and it is a form which I should not have chosen if I had been older and wiser) there has been a continuous, if limited, demand for the little book. As Edmund Clarence Stedman said in a review, it was a book which had to be written. It was an impulse, a vision, and a revealing, and, in his own words in a letter to me, “It was to be done whether you willed it or no, and there it is a truthful thing of which you shall be glad in spite of what you say.”

These last words of the great critic were in response to the sudden repentance and despair I felt after Messrs. Stone and Kimball had published the book in exquisite form with a beautiful frontispiece by Will H. Low. In any case, it is now too late to try and disabuse the minds of those who care for the little piece of artistry, and since 1894, when it was published, I have matured sufficiently in life’s academy not to be too unduly sensitive either as to the merit or demerit of my work. There is, after all, an unlovable kind of vanity in acute self-criticism —as though it mattered deeply to the world whether one ever wrote anything; or, having written, as though it mattered to the world enough to stir it in its course by one vibration. The world has drunk deep of wonderful literature, and all that I can do is make a small brew with a little flavour of my own; but it still could get on very well indeed with the old staple and matured vintages were I never to write at all.

The King—Whence art thou, sir?

Gilfaron—My Lord, I know not well.

Indeed, I am a townsman of the world.

For once my mother told me that she saw

The Angel of the Cross Roads lead me out,

And point to every corner of the sky,

And say, “Thy feet shall follow in the trail

Of every tribe; and thou shalt pitch thy tent

Wherever thou shalt see a human face

Which hath thereon the alphabet of life;

Yea, thou shalt spell it out e’en as a child:

And therein wisdom find.”

The King—Art thou wise?

Gilfaron—Only according to the Signs.

The King—What signs?

Gilfaron—The first—the language of the Garden, sire,

When man spoke with the naked searching thought,

Unlacquered of the world.

The King—Speak so forthwith; come, show us to be wise.

Gilfaron—The Angel of the Cross Roads to me said:

“And wisdom comes by looking eye to eye,

Each seeing his own soul as in a glass;

For ye shall find the Lodges of the Wise,

The farthest Camp of the Delightful Fires,

By marching two by two, not one by one.”

—The King’s Daughter.

THE VISION

As one would stand who saw a sudden light

Flood down the world, and so encompass him

And in that world illumined Seraphim

Brooded above and gladdened to his sight;

So stand I in the flame of one great thought,

That broadens to my soul from where she waits,

Who, yesterday, drew wide the inner gates

Of all my being to the hopes I sought.

Her words come to me like a summer-song,

Blown from the throat of some sweet nightingale;

I stand within her light the whole day long,

And think upon her till the white stars fail:

I lift my head towards all that makes life wise,

And see no farther than my lady’s eyes.

ABOVE THE DIN

Silence sits often on me as I touch

Her presence; I am like a bird that hears

A note diviner than it knows, and fears

To share the larger harmony too much.

My soul leaps up, as to a sudden sound

A long-lost traveller, when, by her grace,

I learn of her life’s sweetness face to face,

And sweep the chords of sympathies profound.

Her regal nature calmly holds its height

Above life’s din, while moving in its maze.

Unworthy thoughts would die within her sight,

And mean deeds creep to darkness from her gaze.

Yet only in my dreams can I set down

The word that gives her nobleness a crown.

LOVE’S COURAGE

Courage have I to face all bitter things,

That start out darkly from the rugged path,

Leading to life’s achievement; not God’s wrath

Would sit so heavy when my lady sings.

I did not know what life meant till I felt

Her hand clasp mine in compact to the end;

Till her dear voice said, “See, I am your friend!”

And at her feet, amazed, my spirit knelt.

And yet I spoke but hoarsely then my thought,

I groped amid a thousand forces there;

Her understanding all my meaning caught,

It was illumined in her atmosphere.

She read it line by line, and then there fell

The curtain on the shrine-and it is well.

LOVE’S LANGUAGE

Just now a wave of perfume floated up

To greet my senses as I broke the seal

Of her short letter; and I still can feel

It stir me as a saint the holy cup.

The missive lies there,—but a few plain words:

A thought about a song, a note of praise,

And social duties such as fill the days

Of women; then a thing that undergirds

The phrases like a psalm: a line that reads—

“I wish that you were coming!”  Why, it lies

Upon my heart like blossoms on the skies,

Like breath of balm upon the clover meads.

The perfumed words soothe me into a dream;

My thoughts float to her on the scented stream.

ASPIRATION

None ever climbed to mountain heights of song,

But felt the touch of some good woman’s palm;

None ever reached God’s altitude of calm,

But heard one voice cry, “Follow!” from the throng.

I would not place her as an image high

Above my reach, cold, in some dim recess,

Where never she should feel a warm caress

Of this my hand that serves her till I die.

I would not set her higher than my heart,—

Though she is nobler than I e’er can be;

Because she placed me from the crowd apart,

And with her tenderness she honoured me.

Because of this, I hold me worthier

To be her kinsman, while I worship her.

THE MEETING

O marvel of our nature, that one life

Strikes through the thousand lives that fold it round,

To find another, even as a sound

Sweeps to a song through elemental strife!

Through cycles infinite the forces wait,

Which destiny has set for union here;

No circumstance can warp them from their sphere;

They meet sometime; and this is God and Fate.

And God is Law, and Fate is Law in use,

And we are acted on by some deep cause,

Which sanctifies “I will” and “I refuse,”

When Love speaks—Love, the peaceful end of Laws.

And I, from many conflicts over-past,

Find here Love, Law, and God, at last.

THE NEST

High as the eagle builds his lonely nest

Above the sea, above the paths of man,

And makes the elements his barbican,

That none may break the mother-eagle’s rest;

So build I far above all human eyes

My nest of love; Heaven’s face alone bends down

To give it sunlight, starlight; while is blown

A wind upon it out of Paradise.

None shall affright, no harm may come to her,

Whom I have set there in that lofty home:

Love’s eye is sleepless; I could feel the stir

E’en of God’s cohorts, if they chanced to come.

I am her shield; I would that I might prove

How dear I hold the lady of my love.

WHEN thou makest a voyage to the stars, go thou blindfolded;

and carry not a sword, but the sandals of thy youth.

—Egyptian Proverb.

SEEK thou the Angel of the Cross Roads ere thou goest upon a

journey, and she will give thee wisdom at the Four Corners.

—Egyptian Proverb.

PISGAH

Behold, now, I have touched the highest point

In my existence.  When I turn my eyes

Backward to scan my outlived agonies,

I feel God’s finger touch me, to anoint

With this sweet Present the ungenerous Past,

With love the wounds that struck stark in my soul;

With hope life’s aching restlessness and dole;

To show me place to anchor in at last.

Like to a mother bending o’er the bed

Where sleeps, death-silent, one that left her side

Ere he had reached the flow of manhood’s tide,

So stood I by my life whence Life had fled.

But Life came back at Love’s clear trumpet-call,

And at Love’s feet I cast the useless pall.

LOVE IS ENOUGH

It is enough that in this burdened time

The soul sees all its purposes aright.

The rest—what does it matter? Soon the night

Will come to whelm us, then the morning chime.

What does it matter, if but in the way

One hand clasps ours, one heart believes us true;

One understands the work we try to do,

And strives through Love to teach us what to say?

Between me and the chilly outer air

Which blows in from the world, there standeth one

Who draws Love’s curtains closely everywhere,

As God folds down the banners of the sun.

Warm is my place about me, and above

Where was the raven, I behold the dove.

AT THE PLAY

I felt her fan my shoulder touch to-night.

Soft act, faint touch, no meaning did it bear

To any save myself, who felt the air

Of a new feeling cross my soul’s clear sight.

To me what matter that the players played!

They grew upon the instant like the toys

Which dance before the sight of idle boys;

I could not hear the laughter that they made.

Swept was I on that breath her hand had drawn,

Through the dull air, into a mountain-space,

Where shafts of the bright sun-god interlace,

Making the promise of a golden dawn.

And straightway crying, “O my heart, rejoice!”

It found its music in my lady’s voice.

SO CALM THE WORLD

Far up the sky the sunset glamour spreads,

Far off the city lies in golden mist;

The sea grows calm, the waves the sun has kissed

Strike white hands softly ‘gainst the rocky heads.

So calm the world, so still the city lies,

So warm the haze that spreads o’er everything;

And yet where, there, Peace sits as Lord and King,

Havoc will reign when next the sun shall rise.

The wheels pause only for a little space,

And in the pause they gather strength again.

‘Tis but the veil drawn over Labour’s face,

O’er strife, derision, and the sin of men.

My heart with a sweet inner joy o’erflows

To nature’s peace, and a kind silence knows.

THE WELCOME

But see: my lady comes.  I hear her feet

Upon the sward; she standeth by my side.

Just such a face Raphael had deified,

If in his day they two had chanced to meet.

And I, tossed by the tide of circumstance,

Lifting weak hands against a host of swords,

Paused suddenly to hear her gentle words

Making powerless the lightnings of mischance.

I, who was but a maker of poor songs,

That one might sing behind his prison bars,

I, who it seemed fate singled out for wrongs—

She smiled on me as smile the nearest stars.

From her deep soul I draw my peace, and thus,

One wreath of rhyme I weave for both of us.

THE SHRINE

Were I but as the master souls who move

In their high place, immortal on the earth,

My song might be a thing to crown her worth,—

‘Tis but a pathway for the feet of Love.

But since she walks where I am fain to sing,

Since she has said, “I listen, O my friend!”

There is a glory lent the song I send,

And I am proud, yes, prouder than a king.

I grow to nobler use beneath her eyes—

Eyes that smile on me so serenely, will

They smile a welcome though my best hope dies,

And greet me at the summit of the hill?

Will she, for whom my heart has built a shrine,

Take from me all that makes this world divine?

THE TORCH

Art’s use what is it but to touch the springs

Of nature?  But to hold a torch up for

Humanity in Life’s large corridor,

To guide the feet of peasants and of kings!

What is it but to carry union through

Thoughts alien to thoughts kindred, and to merge

The lines of colour that should not diverge,

And give the sun a window to shine through!

What is it but to make the world have heed

For what its dull eyes else would hardly scan,

To draw in a stark light a shameless deed,

And show the fashion of a kingly man!

To cherish honour, and to smite all shame,

To lend hearts voices, and give thoughts a name!

IN ARMOUR,

But wherein shall Art work?   Shall beauty lead

It captive, and set kisses on its mouth?

Shall it be strained unto the breast of youth,

And in a garden live where grows no weed?

Shall it, in dalliance with the flaunting world,

Play but soft airs, sing but sweet-tempered songs?

Veer lightly from the stress of all great wrongs,

And lisp of peace ‘mid battle-flags unfurled?

Shall it but pluck the sleeve of wantonness,

And gently chide the folly of our time?

But wave its golden wand at sin’s duress,

And say, “Ah me! ah me!” to fallow crime?

Nay, Art serves Truth, and Truth with Titan blows,

Strikes fearless at all evil that it knows.

IN THEE MY ART

In thee is all my art; from thee I draw

The substance of my dreams, the waking plan

Of practised thought; I can no measure scan,

But thou work’st in me like eternal law.

If I were rich in goodly title deeds

Of broad estate, won from posterity;

If from decaying Time I snatched a see

Richer than prelates pray for with their beads;

If some should bring before me frankincense,

And make a pleasant fire to greet mine eyes;

If there were given me for recompense

Gifts fairer than a seraph could devise:

I would, my sovereign, kneel to thee and say,

“It all is thine; thou showedst me the way.”

DENIAL

But is it so that I must never kiss

Thee on the brow, or smooth thy silken hair?

Never close down thine eyelids with Love’s prayer,

Or fold my arms about my new-found bliss?

Must I unto the courses of my age

Worship afar, lest haply I profane

The temple that is now my holy fane,

For which my song is given as a gage?

Shall I who cry to all, “Come not within

The bounds where I my lady have enshrined;

I am her cavalier”; shall I not win

One dear caress, the rich exchequer find

Of thy soft cheek?  If thou command, my lips

Shall find surcease but at thy fingertips.

TESTAMENT

Why do I love thee? Shall my answer run:

Because that thou hast beauty, noble place,

Because of some sweet glamour in thy face,

And eyes that shame the clear light of the sun?

Shall I exclaim upon thy snow-white hands,

Challenge the world to show a gentler mien,

Call down the seraphs to attest, the sheen

Upon thy brow is borrowed from their lands?

Shall I trace out a map of all thy worth,

Parcel thy virtues, say, “For this and this

I learned to love her; here new charms had birth;

I in this territory caught a bliss”?

Shall I make inventory of thy grace,

And crowd the total into common space?

CAPTIVITY

Nay, lady, though I love thee, I make pause

Before thy question, and know naught to say;

Art cannot teach me to define the way,

Love led me, nor e’en register Love’s cause.

It can but blazon in this verse of mine

What love does for me; what from Love it gains;

What is its quickening; but it refrains

From divination where thy merits shine.

Canst thou, indeed, not tell what wrought in thee

To bring me as a captive to thy feet?

Canst thou not say, “‘Twas this that made decree

Of conquest; here thy soul with mine did meet?”

Or is it that both stand amazed before

The shrine where thou hast blessed and I adore?

O MYSTIC WINGS

O mystic wings, upbear me lightly now,

Beyond life’s faithful labour to a seat

Where I can feel the end of things complete,

Where no hot breath of ill can scorch the brow.

O mystic wings of Art, about thee Truth

Makes atmosphere of purity and power;

‘Tis man’s breath kills the spring’s soft-petaled flower—

Ye give a refuge for the heart of youth.

Ye give a value for all loss in age,

When feebled eyes search for forgotten springs;

Ye fan the breeze that turns the moulded page,

And carry back the soul to ardent things.

Poor payment can I give, but here engage

I thee to be Love’s airy equipage.

WAS IT THY FACE?

Was it thy face I saw when, as a child,

Night after night I watched one quiet star

Shine ‘tween my curtain and the window-bar

Until I slept, and made my sleep more mild?

Was it thy influence outreaching then

To me, o’er untrod years, o’er varying days,

To give me courage, as from phase to phase

Of youth’s desires I passed to deeds of men?

Was it because the star was hid awhile,

That I in blindness wandered from my path;

That I wooed Folly with her mumming smile,

And sought for Lethe in a cup of wrath?

Another hand touched mine with sadness there,

And saved me till I saw thy face appear.

A WOMAN’S HAND

A woman’s hand.  Lo, I am thankful now

That with its touch I have walked all my days;

Rising from fateful and forbidden ways,

To find a woman’s hand upon my brow;

Soft as a pad of rose-leaves, and as pure

As upraised palms of angels, seen in dreams:

And soothed by it, to stand as it beseems

A man who strives to conquer and endure.

A woman’s hand!—there is no better thing

Of all things human; it is half divine;

It hath been more to this lame life of mine,

When faith was weakness, and despair was king.

Man more than all men, Thou wast glad to bless

A woman’s sacrifice and tenderness.

ONE FACE I SEE

One face I see by thine whene’er I hold

Converse with things that are or things that were;

Whene’er I seek life’s hidden folds to stir,

And watch the inner to the outer rolled.

Dost thou not know her, O beloved one?

Hast thou not felt her sunshine on thy face?

In me hast thou not learned some signs to trace

Of that dear soul who calleth me her son?

Such as I was that in thy countenance

Found favour, from her it was gathered most.

To my mad youth her gentle surveillance

Was like a watch-fire on a rock-bound coast.

She drew about me motherhood, and thou

Hast with Love’s holy chrism touched my brow.

MOTHER

She gave me courage when I weakly said,

“O see how drifting, derelict, am I!

The tide runs counter, and the wind is high;

I see no channel through the rocks ahead.

My arm is impotent; what worth to trim

The bending sails!  Look, I shall quaff a cup

To Fate, while the wild ocean swallows up

The shipwrecked youth, the man who lives in him.”

She said: “But thou hast valour, dear, too much

For such as this; thou hast grave embassy,

Given with thy birth; would’st thou thine honour smutch

With coward failing?  Dear son, breast the sea.”

Firm-purposed from that hour, through wind and wave,

I brought my message till thou shelter gave.

WHEN FIRST I SAW THEE

When first I saw thee, lady, straightway came

The thought that somehow, somewhere, destiny,

Through blinding paths of happiness or blame,

Would bend my way of life, my soul to thee.

But then I put it from me: was not I

A wanderer? To-morrow I should be

In other lands-beside another sea;

Nay, you were but a star-gleam in my sky.

And so I came not in your sight awhile,

You gave no thought, and I passed not away;

But like some traveller in a deep defile

I walked in darkness even through the day:

Until at last the hands of Circumstance

Pointed the hour that waked me from my trance.

THE FATES LAUGH

I did not will this thing.    I set my face

Towards duty and my art; I was alone.

How knew I thou shouldst roll away the stone

From hopes long buried, by thy tender grace?

What does it matter that we make resolve?

The Fates laugh at us as they sit and spin;

We cannot tell what Good is, or what Sin,

Or why old faiths in mist of pain dissolve.

We only can stand watchful in the way,

Waiting with patient hands on shield and sword,

Ready to meet disaster in the fray,

Till Time has struck the letters of one word—

Word of such high-born worth: triumphant Love,

Give me thy canopy where’er I rove.

AS ONE WHO WAITETH

As one who waiteth for the signet ring

Of his dear sovereign, that his embassy

May have clear passport over land and sea,

And make the subject sacred as his king;

As waits the warrior for a pontiff’s palm,

Upraised in blessing o’er his high emprise;

And bows his mailed forehead prayerful-wise,

Sinking his turbulency in deep calm:

So waited I for one seal to be set

Upon my full commission, for a sign

That should make impotent man’s “I forget,”

And make God’s “I remember” more divine:

Which should command at need the homage of

The armed squadrons of all loyal love.

THE SEALING

But yestermorn my marshalled hopes were held

Upon the verge of august pilgrimage;

To-day I am as birds that leave the cage

To seek green fastnesses they knew of eld;

To-day I am as one who hides his face

Within his golden beaver, and whose hand

Clenches with pride his tried and conquering brand,

Ay, as a hunter mounted for the chase.

For, see: upon my lips I carry now

A touch that speaks reveille to my soul;

I have a dispensation large enow

To enfold the world and circumscribe each pole.

Slow let me speak it: From her lips and brow

I took the gifts she only could endow.

THE PLEDGE

O gifts divine as any ever knew

The noble spirits of an antique time;

As any poets fashion in their rhyme,

Or angels whisper down the shadeless blue!

The priceless gifts of holy confidence,

That speak through quivering lips from heart to heart;

That unto life new energies impart,

And open up the gates of prescience.

O dear my love, I unto thee have given

Pledge that I am thy vassal evermore;

I stand within the zenith of my Heaven,

On either hand a starred eternal shore

I have come nearer to thy greater worth,

For thou hast raised me from the common earth.

LOVE’S TRIBUTARIES

I can say now, “There was the confluence

Of all Love’s tributaries; there the sea

Of Love spread out towards eternity;

And there my coarser touched her finer sense.

Poor though I am in my own sight, I know

That thou hast winnowed, sweet, what best I am;

Upon my restlessness thy ample calm

Hath fallen as on frost-bound earth the snow.

It hideth the harsh furrows that the wheels

Of heavy trials made in Life’s champaign;

Upon its pure unfolding sunshine steals,

And there is promise of the spring again.

Here make I proclamation of my faith,

And poise my fealty o’er the head of Death.”

THE CHOICE

If Death should come to me to-night, and say:

“I weigh thy destiny; behold, I give

One little day with this thy love to live,

Then, my embrace; or, leave her for alway,

And thou shalt walk a full array of years;

Upon thee shall the world’s large honours fall,

And praises clamorous shall make for all

Thy strivings rich amends.”  If in my ears

Thou saidst, “I love thee!” I would straightway cry,

“A thousand years upon this barren earth

Is death without her: for that day I die,

And count my life for it of poorest worth.”

Love’s reckoning is too noble to be told

By Time’s slow fingers on its sands of gold.

RECOGNITION

As in a foreign land one threads his way

‘Mid alien scenes, knowing no face he meets;

And, hearing his name spoken, turns and greets

With wondering joy a friend of other days;

As in the pause that comes between the sound

And recognition, all the finer sense

Is swathed in a melodious eloquence,

Which makes his name seem in its sweetness drowned

So stood I, by an atmosphere beguiled

Of glad surprise, when first thy lips let fall

The name I lightly carried when a child,

That I shall rise to at the judgment call.

The music of thy nature folded round

Its barrenness a majesty of sound.

THE WAY OF DREAMS

Since I rose out of child-oblivion

I have walked in a world of many dreams,

And noble souls beside the shining streams

Of fancy have with beckonings led me on.

Their faces oft, mayhap, I could not see,

Only their waving hands and noble forms.

Sometimes there sprang between quick-gathered storms,

But always they came back again to me.

Women with smiling eyes and star-spun hair

Spake gentle things, bade me look back to view

The deeds of the great souls who climbed the stair

Immortal, and for whom God’s manna grew:

Dante, Anacreon, Euripides,

And all who set rich wine upon the lees.

THE ACCOLADE

Men of brave stature came and placed their hands

Upon my head, and, lifting shining swords,

Drew through the air signs mightier than words,

And vanished in the sun upon the sands.

Glimpses I caught of faces that have come

Through crowding ages; whisperings of songs;

And prayers for the redress of human wrongs

From voices that upon the earth are dumb.

They were but shadows, but they lent me joy;

They gave me reverence for all who pace

The world with hands raised, evil to destroy,

Who live but for the honour of their race.

They taught me to strike at no idol raised,

Worshipped a space, then left to be dispraised.

FALLEN IDOLS

Stedfastness, shall we find it, then, at all?

Is it that as the winds blow north and south,

So must be praises from the loud world’s mouth,

Which on its heroes in their glory fall?

Because the voice grows stiller, or the arm

No longer can beat evils back; because

The shoulders sink beneath new-rising cause,

And the fine thought has lost its moving charm;

Because of these shall puny sages shake

Their heads, and haste to mock the failing one,

Who in his strength could make the nations quake;

Prophet like Daniel, King like Solomon!

In this full time we have seen mockers run

About the throne of such as Tennyson.

TENNYSON

Who saith thy hand is weak, King Tennyson?

Who crieth, See, the monarch is grown old,

His sceptre falls?  Oh, carpers rude and bold,

You who have fed upon the gracious benison

Scattered unstinted by him, do you now

Dispraise the sweet-strung harp, grown tremulous

‘Neath fingers overworn for all of us?

You cannot tear the laurels from his brow.

He lives above your idle vaunts and fears,

Enthroned where all master souls stand up

In their high place, and fill the golden cup,

God-blest for kings, with wine of endless years,

And greet him one with them. O brotherhood

Of envious dullards, ye are wroth with good.

THE ANOINTED ONES

Why, let them rail! God’s full anointed ones

Have heard the world exclaim, “We know you not.”

They who by their souls’ travailing have brought

Us nearer to the wonder of the suns.

Yet, who can stay the passage of the stars?

Who can prevail against the thunder-sound?

The wire that flashes lightning to the ground

Diverts, but not its potency debars.

So, men may strike quick stabs at Caesar’s worth,—

They only make his life an endless force,

‘Scaped from its penthouse, flashing through the earth,

And ‘whelming those who railed about his Gorse.

Men’s moods disturb not those born truly great:

They know their end; they can afford to wait.

DREAMS

And so life passed. I lived from year to year

With shadows, the strong warders of desire;

I learned through them to seek the golden fire

That hides itself in Song’s bright hemisphere.

Through them I grew full of imaginings,

I made strange pictures, conjured images

From my deep longings; wrote the passages

Of life inwrought with half-glad wonderings.

For who can know a majesty of peace,

That wanders, ever waiting for a voice

To say to him, “Behold, at last surcease

Of thy unrest has come, therefore, rejoice”?

Here set I down some dreams that come again,

Almost forgotten in my higher gain.

THE BRIDE

A ship at sea; a port to anchor in;

Not far a starry light upon the shore.

The sheeted lightning, like a golden door,

Swings to and fro to let earth-angels in.

Most bravely has she sailed o’er every sea,

Withstood the storm-rack, spurned the sullen reef;

Cherished her strength; and held her guerdon fief

To him who saith, “My ship comes back to me!

Behold, I sent her forth a stately thing,

To be my messenger to farthest lands,

To Fortunate Isles, and where the silver sands

Girdle a summer sea; that she might bring

My bride, who wist not that I loved her so—

This is no bitter day for me, I trow!”

THE WRAITH

A ship in port; well-crossed the harbour-bar;

The hawser swung, the grinding helm at rest;

Hands clasping hands, and eyes with eager zest

Seeking the loved, returning from afar.

And he, the master, holding little reck

Of all, save but the idol of his soul,

Seeks not his loving ardour to control.

Mark how he proudly treads the whitened deck!

“My bride, my bride, my lone soul’s best beloved,

Come forth, come forth!  Where art thou, Isobel?—

Pallid, and wan!  Lord, hath it thus befell

This is but dust; where has the spirit roved?

O death-cold bride! for this, then, have I strove?

O phantom ship, O loveless wraith of Love!”

SURRENDER

A day of sunshine in a land of snow,

And a soft-curtained room, where ruddy flakes

Of fame fall free, in liquid light that slakes

The soft desire of one cold, paleface: lo,

Close-pressed sweet lips, and eyes of violet,

That are filled up as with a sudden fear—

A storm’s prelude upon the expectant mere.

Yet deep behind what never they forget,

Who ever see in life’s chance or mischance.

And he who saw, what could he do but say,

“Fold up the tents; the camp is struck; away!

Vain victor who rides not in rest his lance!”

Beside the hearthstone where the flame-flakes fell,

There lay the cold keys of the citadel.

THE CITADEL

A night wind-swept and bound about with glee

Of Erebus; all light and cheer within;

White restless hands that falter, then begin

To weave a music-voiced fantasy.

And life, and death, and love, and weariness,

And unrequital, thrid the maze of sound;

And one voice saith, “Behold, the lost is found!”

And saith not any more for joyfulness.

Out of the night there comes a wanderer,

Who waits upon the threshold, and is still;

And listens, and bows down his head, until

His grief-drawn breath startles the heart of her.

The victor vanquished, at her feet he fell,

A prisoner in his conquered citadel.

MALFEASANCE

Two of one name; they standing where the sun

Makes shadows in the orchard-bloom of spring;

She holding in her palm a jewelled ring,

He speaking on what evil it had done.

“Raise thy pale face and wondrous eyes to mine;

Let not thy poor lips quiver in such pain;

Too young and blindly thou hast drunk the wine

Crushed from the lees of love.  Be strong again.

Trail back thy golden hair from thy broad brow,

And raise thy lily neck like some tall tower,

That recks not any strife nor any hour,

So it but holds its height, heeding not how.

The noblest find their way o’er paths of ire

To the clear summit of God’s full desire.”

ANNUNCIATION

I think in that far time when Gabriel came

And gave short speech to Mary sweet and wise,

That when the faint fear faded from her eyes,

And they were filled up with a sudden flame

Of joy bewildering and wonderment;

With reverence the angel in her palm

Laid one white lily, dewy with the balm

Of the Lord’s garden; saying: “This is sent

For thine espousal, thou the undefiled;

And it shall bloom till all be consummate.”

Lo, then he passed. She, musing where she sate,

Felt all her being moved in manner wondrous mild;

Then, laying ‘gainst her bosom the white flower,

She bowed her head, and said, “It is God’s dower.”

VANISHED DREAMS

Dreams, only dreams. They sprang from loneliness

Of outer life; from innermost desire

To reach the soul that now in golden fire

Of cherished song I pray for and caress.

I wandered through the world with longing gaze,

To find her who was my hope’s parallel,

That to her I might all my gospel tell

Of changeless love, and bid her make appraise.

I knew that some day I should look within

The ever-deepening distance of her eyes;

For, in my dreams, from veiled Seraphim

Came one, as if in answer to my cries:

And passing near me, pointed down the road

That led me at the last to thy abode.

INTO THY LAND

Into thy land of sunlight I have come,

And live within thy presence, as a ray

Of light lives in the brightness of the day;

And find in thee my heaven and my home.

Yet what am I that thou shouldst ope the gate

Of thy most sweet completeness; and should spend

Rich values of thy life on me thy friend,

For which I have no worthy duplicate!

Nay, lady, I no riches have to give;

I have no name of honour, or the pride

Of place, to priv’lege me to sit beside

Thee in thy kingdom, where thy graces live.

Wilt thou not one day whisper, “You have climbed

Beyond your merits; pray you, fall behind”?

Wish thy friend joy of his journey, but pray in secret

that he have no joy, for then may he return quickly to thee.

—Egyptian Proverb.

DIVIDED

Divided by no act of thine or mine,

Forever parted by a fatal deed,

A fatal feud.  Alas! when fathers bleed,

The children shall fulfil the wild design.

A Montague hath killed a Capulet,

A Capulet hath slain a Montague,—

Twin graves, twin sorrows, and oh, mad to-do

Of vengeance! oh, dread entail of regret!

There lie they in their dark, self-chosen graves,

And from them cries Hate’s everlasting ghost,—

“Blood hath been shed, and Love and ye are slaves,

Time wrecks, and freedom drifts upon life’s coast.”

Yet not for us the relish of that doom

Which found a throne upon a Juliet’s tomb.

WE MUST LIVE ON

We must live on; a deeper tragedy:

To see, to touch, to know, and to desire;

To feel in every vein the glorious fire

Of Eden, and to cry, “Oh, to be free!”

To cry, “Oh, wipe the gloomy stain away,

Thou who first raised the sword, Who gave the hilt

Into the hand of man. This blood they spilt—

Our fathers—oh, blot out the bitter day!

Erase the hour from out Thy calendar,

Turn back the hands upon the clock of Time,

Oh, Artificer of destroying War—

Their righteous hate who bore us in our crime!”

“Upon the children!”—‘Tis the cold reply

Of Him who makes to those who must not die.

YET LIFE IS SWEET

Yet life is sweet.  Thy soul hath breathed along,

Thine eyes have cast their glory on the earth,

Thy foot hath touched it, and thine hour of birth

Didst give a new pulse to the veins of song.

Better to stand amid the toppling towers

Of every valiant hope; a Samson’s dream,

Than the deep indolence of Lethe’s stream,

The loneliness of slow submerging hours.

Better, oh, better thus to see the wreck,

And to have rocked to motion of the spheres;

Better, oh, better to have trod the deck

Of hope, and sailed the unmanageable years—

Ay, better to have paid the price, and known,

Than never felt this tyrannous Alone!

LOST FOOTSTEPS

Upon the disc of Love’s bright planet fell

A darkness yestereve, and from your lips

I heard cold words; then came a swift eclipse

Of joy at meeting on hope’s it-is-well.

And if I spoke with sadness and with fear;

If from your gentle coldness I drew back,

And felt that I had lost the flowery track

That led to peace in Love’s sweet atmosphere:

It was because a woful dread possessed.

My aching heart—the dread some evil star

Had crossed the warm affection in your breast,

Had bade me stand apart from where you are.

The world seemed breaking on my life; I heard

The crash of sorrows in that chiding word.

THE CLOSED DOOR

It is not so, and so for evermore,

That thou and I must live our lives apart;

I with a patient smother at my heart,

And thy hand resting on a closed door?

What couldst thou ever ask me that I should

Not bend me to achieve thy high behest?

What cannot men achieve with lance in rest

Who carry noble valour in their blood?

And some nobility of high emprise,

Lady, couldst thou make possible in me;

If living ‘neath the pureness of thy eyes,

I found the key to inner majesty;

And reaching outward, heart-strong, from thy hand,

Set here and there a beacon in the land.

THE CHALICE

Not by my power alone, but thou and I

Together thinking, working, loving on

Achievement-wards, as all brave souls have gone,

Perchance should find new star-drifts in the sky

That curves above humanity, and set

Some new interpretation on life’s page;

Should serve the strivings of a widening age,

And fashion wisdom from the social fret.

Deep did Time’s lances go; thou pluck’st them forth,

And on my sullen woundings laid the balm

Of thy life’s sweetness. Oh, let my love be worth

The keeping.  My head beneath thy palm,

Once more I lift Love’s chalice to thine eyes:

Not till thou blessest me will I arise.

MIO DESTINO

Here, making count, at every step I see

Something in her, like to a hidden thought

Within my life, that long time I had sought,

But never found till her soul spoke to me.

And if she said a thousand times, “I did

Not call thee, thou cam’st seeking; not my voice

Was it thou heard’st; thy love was not my choice!”

I should straightway reply, “That of thee hid,

Even from thyself, lest it should startle thee,

Hath called me, made me slave and king in one;

And when the mists of Time shall rise, and we

Stand forth, it shall be said, Since Time begun

Ye two were called as one from that high hill,

Where the creating Master hath His will.”

I HAVE BEHELD

I have beheld a multitude stand still

In such deep silence that a sudden pain

Struck through the heart in sharing the tense strain,

And all the world seemed bounded by one will.

But when precipitated on the sea

Of human feeling was the incident

That caught their wonder; then the skies were rent

With quivering sound, with passion’s liberty.

So have I stood before this parting day,

With chilly fingers pressed upon my breast,

That my heart burst not fleshen bands away,

And my sharp cry break through my lady’s rest.

I have shut burning eyelids on the sight

Of this dread time that scorches my sad night.

TOO SOON AWAY

Have I then found thee but to lose thee, friend?

But touched thee ere thou vanished from my gaze?

And when my soul is struggling from the maze

Of many conflicts, must our converse end?

Across the empty space that now shall spread

Between us, shall I never go to thee?

Or thou, beloved, never come to me,

Save but to whisper prayers above the dead?

Ah, cruel thought! Shall not Hope’s convoy bear

To thee the reinforcements of my love?

Shall I not on thy white hand drop a tear

Of crowned joy, one day, where thou dost move

In thy place regally; even as now

I place my farewell token on thy brow?

THE TREASURE

And now when from the shore goes out the ship

Wherein is set the treasure that I hold

Closer than miser all his hidden gold,

Dearer than wine Zeus carried to his lip;

My aching heart cries from its pent-up pain,—

“O Love, O Life, O more than life to me,

How can I live without the surety

Of thy sweet presence till we meet again!”

So like a wounded deer I came to thee,

The arrow of mischance piercing my side;

And through thy sorrow-healing ministry

I rose with strength, like giants in their pride.

But now—but now—how shall I stand alone,

Knowing the light, the hope of me is gone?

DAHIN

O brow, so fronted with a stately calm,

O full completeness of true womanhood,

O counsel, pleader for all highest good,

Thou hast upon my sorrow poured thy balm!

Poor soldier he who did not raise his sword,

And, touching with his lips the hilt-cross, swear

In war or peace the livery to wear

Of one that blessed him with her queenly word.

Most base crusader, who at night and morn

Crying Dahin, thought not of her again

From whose sweet power was his knighthood born,

For whom he quells the valiant Saracen.

Shall I not, then, in the tumultuous place

Of my life’s warfare ever seek thy face?

LOVE’S USURY

Here count I over all the gentle deeds

Which thou hast done; here summon I thy words,

Sweeter to me than sweetest song of birds;

That came like grace immortal to my needs.

Love’s usury has reckoned such a sum

Of my indebtedness, that I can make

No lien large enough to overtake

Its value—and before it I am dumb!

Yet, O my gracious, most kind creditor,

I would not owe to thee one item less

We cannot give the sun requital for

Its liberal light; our office is to bless.

If blessings could be compassed by my prayer,

High heaven should set star-gems in thy hair.

THE DECREE

Last night I saw the warm white Southern moon

Sail upward through a smoky amber sea;

Orion stood in silver majesty

Where the gold-girdled sun takes rest at noon.

I slept; I dreamed. Against a sunset sky

I saw thee stand all garmented in white;

With hand stretched to me, and there in thy sight

I went to meet thee; but I heard thee cry:

“We stand apart as sun from shining sun;

Thou hast thy place; there rolleth far and near

A sea between; until life’s all be done

Thou canst not come, nor I go to thee, dear.”

Methought I bowed my head to thy decree,

And donned the mantle of my misery.

‘TIS MORNING NOW

‘Tis morning now, and dreams and fears are gone,

And sleep has calmed the fever in my veins,

And I am strong to drink the cup that drains

The last drop through my lips, and make no moan.

Strength I have borrowed from the outward show

Of spiritual puissance thou dost wear.

Shall I not thy high domination share

Over the shock of feeling?  Shall I grow

More fearful than the soldier, when between

The smoke of hostile cannon lies his way;

To carry far the colours of his queen,

While her bright eyes behold him in the fray?

Here do I smile between the warring hosts

Of sad farewells; and reek not what it costs.

SACRIFICE

And O most noble, and yet once again

Most noble spirit, if I ever did

Aught that thy goodness frowns on, be it hid

Forever, and deep-buried.  Let the rain

Of coming springs fall on the quiet grave.

Perchance some violets will grow to tell

That I, when uttering this last farewell,

Built up a sacrificial architrave;

That I, who worship thee, have love so great,

To live in the horizon thou may’st set;

To stand but in the shadow of the gate,

Faithful, when coward promptings cry, “Forget.”

Ah, lady, when I gave my heart to thee,

It passed into thy lifelong regency.

SHINE ON

Shine on, O sun! Sing on, O birds of song!

And in her light my heart fashions a tune

Not wholly sad, most like a tender rune

Sung by some knight in days gone overlong,

When he with minstrel eyes in Syrian grove

Looked out towards his England, and then drew

From a sweet instrument a sound that grew

From twilight unto morning of his love.

Go, then, beloved, bearing as you go

These songs that have more sunlight far than cloud;

More summer flowers than dead leaves ‘neath the snow;

That tell of hopes from which you raised the shroud.

My lady, bright benignant star, shine on—

I lift to thee my low Trisagion!

HE that hath pleasant dreams is more fortunate

than one who hath a cup-bearer.

—Egyptian Proverb.

SO, THOU ART GONE

So, thou art gone; and I am left to wear

Thy memory as a golden amulet

Upon my breast, to sing a chansonnette

Of winter tones, when summer time is here.

And yet, my heart arises from the dark,

Where it fell back in silence when you went

To seaward, and a sprite malevolent

Sat laughing in the white sails of thy barque.

‘Twas not moth-wings dashing against the flame,

Burning in love’s areanum; ‘twas a cry

Struck from soul-crossing chords, that, separate, frame

Life’s holy calm, or wasting agony.

But now between the warring strings there grows

A space of peace, as ‘tween truce-honoured foes.

THE THOUSAND THINGS

Here one by one come back the thousand things

Which made divinely sweet our intercourse;

Love summons them here straightway to divorce

The heart from melancholy wanderings.

“Here laid she her white hand upon my arm;

To this place came she with slow-gliding grace;

Here smiled she up serenely in my face;

And these sweet notes she sang me for a charm.”

I treasure up her words, and say them o’er

With close-shut eyes; with her again I float

Upon the Loire; I see the gems she wore,

The ruby shining at her queenly throat;

I climb with her again the Pyrenees,

And hear her laughter ringing through the trees.

THE SEA

I in my childhood never saw the sea

Save in my dreams.  There it was vast and lone,

Splendid in power, breaking against the stone

Walls of the world in thunder symphony.

From it arose mists growing into mists

Making a cool white curtain for the sun,

And melting mornward when the day was done,

A moving sphere where spirits kept their trysts.

A ceaseless swinging with the swinging earth,

A never-tiring ebbing to and fro,

Trenching eternal fastnesses; a girth

Round mountains in their everlasting snow.

It was a vast emotion, fibre-drawn

From all the elements since the first dawn.

THE CHART

Then came in further years the virgin sight

Of the live sea; the sea that marches down,

With sunny phalanxes and flags of foam,

To match its puissance with earth’s awful might.

Far off the purple mist drew into mist,

As thought melts into endless thought, and round

The rim of the sheer world was heard a sound,

Floating through palpitating amethyst.

And through the varying waste of elements

There passed a sail, which caught the opposing wind,

Triumphant, as an army in its tents

Beholds the foe it, conquering, left behind.

“And Life,” I said,—“Life is but like the sea;

And what shall guide us to our destiny?”

REVEALING

The prescience of dreams struck walls away

From mortal fact, and mortal fact revealed,

With myriad voices, potencies concealed

In the dim birth-place of a coming day.

Even as a blind man’s fingers wander o’er

His harpstrings, led by sound to dreams of sound,

Till in his soul an eloquence profound

Rises above the petulance and roar

Of the great globe: as in a rush of song

From feathered throats, one, in a mighty wood,

‘Mid sweet interpositions moves along

The avenues of some predestined good;

So I, dream-nurtured, standing by the sea,

Made levy on the wonders that should be.

OVERCOMING

And God is good, I said, and Art is good,

And labour hath its rich reward of sleep;

And recompense will come for all who keep

Dishonour’s ill contagion from the blood.

And over us there curves the infinite

Blue heaven as a shield, and at the end

We shall find One who loveth to befriend

E’en those who faint for shame within His sight.

And down the awful passes of the sky

There comes the voice that circumvents the gale;

That makes the avalanche to pass us by,

And saith, “I overcome” to man’s “I fail.”

“And peradventure now,” said I, “the zest

Of all existence waits on His behest.”

WHITHER NOW

But man’s deliverances intervene

Between the soul’s swift speech and God’s high will;

That saith to tempests of the thought, “Be still!”

And in life’s lazaretto maketh clean

The leprous sense.  Ah, who can find his way

Among the many altars?   Who can call

Out perfect peace from any ritual,

Or shelter find in systems of a day?

As one sees on some ancient urn, upthrown

From out a tomb, records that none may read

With like interpretation, and the stone

Retains its graven fealty to the dead:

So, on the great palimpsest men have writ

Such lines o’ercrossed that none interprets it.

ARARAT

What marvel that the soul of youth should cry,

“Man builds his temples ‘tween me and the face

Of Him whom I would seek; I cannot trace

His purpose in their shadow, nor descry

The wisdom absolute?”  What marvel that,

With yearning impotent, ay, impotent

Beyond all measure! his full faith was spent,

And for his soul there rose no Ararat?

Yet out upon the sun-drawn sensate sea

Of elemental pain, there came a word

As if from Him who travelled Galilee,

As fair as any Zion ever heard.

The voice of Love spoke; Love, that writes its name

On Life and Death-and then my lady came.

AS LIGHT LEAPS UP

As light leaps up from star to star, so mounts

Faith from one soul unto another; so

The lower to the higher; till the flow

Of knowledge rises from creation’s founts;

Until from human love we come to know

The august presence of the Love Divine;

And feel the light unutterable shine

Upon half-lights that we were wont to show,

Absorbing them.  ‘Tis Love that beckons us

From low desires, from restlessness and sin,

To heights that else we had not reached; and thus

We find the Heaven we dared not hope to win.

How clearer seem designs immortal when

Our lives are fed on Love’s fine regimen

THE DARKENED WAY

“It is no matter;”—thus the noble Dane,

About his heart more ill than one could tell;

Sad augury, that like a funeral bell

Against his soul struck solemn notes of pain.

So ‘gainst the deadly smother he could press

With calm his lofty manhood; interpose

Purpose divine, and at the last disclose

For life’s great shift a regnant readiness.

To-day I bought some matches in the street

From one whose eyes had long since lost their sight.

Trembling with palsy was he to his feet.

“Father,” I said, “how fare you in the night?”

“In body ill, but ‘tis no matter, friend,

Strong is my soul to keep me to the end.”

DISTRUST not a woman nor a king—it availeth nothing.

—Egyptian Proverb.

WHEN thou journeyest into the shadows, take not sweetmeats

with thee, but a seed of corn and a bottle of tears and wine;

that thou mayst have a garden in the land whither thou goeat.

—Egyptian Proverb.

REUNITED

Once more, once more!  That golden eventide!

Golden within, without all cold and grey,

Slowly you came forth from the troubled day,

Singing my heart—you glided to my side;

You glided in; the same grave, quiet face,

The same deep look, the never-ending light

In your proud eyes, eyes shining through the night,

That night of absence—distance—from your place.

Calm words, slow touch of hand, but, oh, the cry,

The long, long cry of passion and of joy

Within my heart; the star-burst in the sky—

The world—our world—which time may not destroy!

Your world and mine, unutterably sweet:

Dearest, once more, the old song at thy feet.

SONG WAS GONE FROM ME

Dearest, once more! This I could tell and tell

Till life turned drowsy with the ceaseless note;

Dearest, once more! The words throb in my throat,

My heart beats to them like a muffled bell.

Change—Time and Change! O Change and Time, you come

Not knocking at my door, knowing me gone;

Here have I dwelt within my heart alone,

Watching and waiting, while my muse was dumb

Song was gone from me—sweet, I could not sing,

Save as men sing upon the lonely hills;

Under my hand the old chord ceased to ring,

Hushed by the grinding of the high gods’ mills.

Dearest, once more. Those mad mills had their way—

Now is mine hour.   To every man his day.

GOOD WAS THE FIGHT

How have I toiled, how have I set my face

Fair to the swords! No man could say I quailed;

Ne’er did I falter; I dare not to have failed,

I dare not to have dropped from out the race.

Good was the fight—good, till a piteous dream

Crept from some direful covert of despair;

Showed me your look, that look so true and fair,

Distant and bleak; for me no more to gleam.

Then was I driven back upon my soul,

Then came dark moments; lady, then I drew

Forth from its place the round unfathomed bowl

Of sorrow, and from it I quaffed to you;

Speaking as men speak who have lost

Their hearts’ last prize—and dare not count the cost.

UNCHANGED

But you are here unchanged.  You say not so

In words, but when you placed your hands in mine;

But when I saw the same old glory shine

Within your eyes, I read it; and I know.

And when those hands ran up along my arm,

And rested on my shoulder for a space,

A sacred inquisition in your face,

To read my heart, how could I doubt that charm,

That truth ineffable!—I set my soul

In hazard to a farthing, that you kept

The faith, with pride unspeakable, the whole

Course of those years in which communion slept.

Your soul flamed in your look; you read; I knew

How little worth was I, how heavenly you.

ABSOLVO TE

I read your truth. You read—What did you read?

Did you read all, and, reading all, forgive?

How I—O little dwarf of conscience sieve

My soul; bare all before her bare indeed!

And, looking on the remnant and the waste,

Can you absolve me,—me, the doubter, one

Who challenged what God spent His genius on,

His genius and His pride; so fair, so chaste?

I am ashamed. . . . And when I told my dreams,

Shaken and humble,—“Dear, there was no cause,”

Your words; proud, sorrowful, as it beseems

Such as thou art. There never was a cause

Why you should honour me. Ashamed am I.

And you forgive me, bless me, for reply.

BENEDICTUS

You bless me, then you turn away your head—

“Never again, dear. I have blessed you so,

My lips upon your lips; between must flow

The river—Oh the river!”  Thus you said.

The river—Oh the river, and the sun;

Stream that we may not cross, sun that is joy:

Flow as thou must; shine on in full employ—

Shine through her eyes thou; let the river run.

O lady, to your liegeman speak.  You say:

“Dream no more dreams; yourself be as am I!”

Your hands clasped to your face, so shutting out the day.

An instant, then to me, your low good-bye—

Good-night, good-bye; and then the social reign,

The lights, the songs, the flowers—and the pain.

THE MESSAGE

“Oh, hush!” you said; “oh, hush!” The twilight hung

Between us and the world; but in your face,

Flooding with warm inner light, the sovereign grace

Of one who rests the brooding trees among—

Of one who steps down from a lofty throne,

Seeking that peace the sceptre cannot call;

And leaving courtier, page, and seneschal,

Goes down the lane of sycamores alone;

And, going, listens to the notes that swell

From golden throats—stories of ardent days,

And lovers in fair vales; and homing bell:

And the sweet theme unbearable, she prays

The song-bird cease! So, on the tale I dare,

Your “hush!” your wistful “hush!” broke like prayer.

UNAVAILING

“Never,” you said, “never this side the grave,

And what shall come hereafter, who may know?

Whether we e’en shall guess the way we go,

Passing beneath Death’s mystic architrave

Silence or song, dumb sleep or cheerful hours?”

O lady, you have questioned, answer too.

You—you to die—silence and gloom for you:

Dead song, dead lights, dead graces, and dead flowers?

It is not so: the foolish trivial end,

The inconsequent paltry Nothing—gone—gone all;

The genius of the ageless Something spend

Itself within this little earthly wall:

The commonplace conception, that we reap

Reward of drudge and ploughman—idle sleep!

YOU SHALL LIVE ON

You shall live on triumphant, you shall take

Your place among the peerless, fearless ones;

And those who loved you here shall tell their sons

To honour every woman for your sake.

And those your Peers shall say, “Others are pure,

Others are noble, others too have vowed,

And for a vow have suffered; but she bowed

Her own soul and another’s to endure.

She smote the being more to her than all,—

Her own soul and the world,—a truth to hold,

Faith with the dead; and hung a heavy pall

‘Tween her and love and life. The world is old,

It hath sent here none queenlier.  Of the few,

The royal few is she, martyred and true.”

“VEX NOT THIS GHOST”

Upon the rack of this tough world I hear,

As when Cordelia’s glories all dissever-

“Never—never—never—never—never,—”

That wild moan of the dispossessed Lear.

O world, vex not this ghost, yea, let it pass,

The Spirit of these songs.  The fool hath mocked,

The fool our woe upon us hath unlocked

From where the soul holds to our lips the glass,

To see what breath of life.  O fool, poor fool,

Well, we have laughed together, you and I.

O fond insulter, in the healing pool

Of your deep poignant raillery I lie.

Let us be grand again, my fool.  The throne

Is gone; but see, the coronation stone!

THE MEMORY

Know you where I, my royal fool, was crowned?

A rock within the great Egean?  Where

A strong flood hurrieth on Finistere?

Where at the Pole our valiant men were drowned?

Where the soft creamy wash of Indian seas

Spreads palmward? Where the sunset glides to dawn,

No night between? Where all the tides are drawn

To greet their Sun and bathe their Idol’s knees?

Where was I crowned? Dear fool, upon a stone

That standeth where Earth’s arches make but one,

Where all the banners of her soul were flown,

And trumpeted the legions of the sun.

The stone is left: ‘tis here against the door

Of throne and kingdom. . . . Pray you, mock no more.

THE PASSING

A time will come when we again shall rail—

Not yet, not yet.  The flood comes on apace,

That deep dividing river, and her face

Grows dimmer as it widens—pale, so pale.

Have we not railed and laughed these many days,

Mummers before the lights?  Dear fool, your hand

Upon your lips—Oh let us once be grand,

Grand as we were when treading royal ways.

Lo, there she moves beyond the river.  Gone—

Gone is the sun-lo, starlight in her eyes.

See, how she standeth silent and alone—

Oh, hush! let us not vex her with our cries.

Proud as of old, unto my throne I go. . . .

Cordelia’s gone...... Hush, draw the curtain—so.

ENVOY

When you and I have played the little hour,

Have seen the tall subaltern Life to Death

Yield up his sword; and, smiling, draw the breath,

The first long breath of freedom; when the flower

Of Recompense has fluttered to our feet,

As to an actor’s; and the curtain down,

We turn to face each other all alone—

Alone, we two, who never yet did meet,

Alone, and absolute, and free: oh, then,

Oh, then, most dear, how shall be told the tale?

Clasped hands, pressed lips, and so clasped hands again;

No words. But as the proud wind fills the sail,

My love to yours shall reach, then one deep moan

Of joy; and then our infinite Alone.

*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A LOVER'S DIARY, COMPLETE ***

Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will be renamed.

Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG™ concept and trademark. Project Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you charge for an eBook, except by following the terms of the trademark license, including paying royalties for use of the Project Gutenberg trademark. If you do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the trademark license is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and research. Project Gutenberg eBooks may be modified and printed and given away—you may do practically ANYTHING in the United States with eBooks not protected by U.S. copyright law. Redistribution is subject to the trademark license, especially commercial redistribution.

START: FULL LICENSE

THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE

PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK

To protect the Project Gutenberg™ mission of promoting the free distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work (or any other work associated in any way with the phrase “Project Gutenberg”), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project Gutenberg™ License available with this file or online at www.gutenberg.org/license.

Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works

1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg™ electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property (trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy all copies of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works in your possession. If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project Gutenberg™ electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.

1.B. “Project Gutenberg” is a registered trademark. It may only be used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg™ electronic works even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project Gutenberg™ electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg™ electronic works. See paragraph 1.E below.

1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation (“the Foundation” or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an individual work is unprotected by copyright law in the United States and you are located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project Gutenberg™ mission of promoting free access to electronic works by freely sharing Project Gutenberg™ works in compliance with the terms of this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg™ name associated with the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project Gutenberg™ License when you share it without charge with others.

1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project Gutenberg™ work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning the copyright status of any work in any country other than the United States.

1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:

1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate access to, the full Project Gutenberg™ License must appear prominently whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg™ work (any work on which the phrase “Project Gutenberg” appears, or with which the phrase “Project Gutenberg” is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, copied or distributed:

This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook.

1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg™ electronic work is derived from texts not protected by U.S. copyright law (does not contain a notice indicating that it is posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work with the phrase “Project Gutenberg” associated with or appearing on the work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the Project Gutenberg™ trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.

1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg™ electronic work is posted with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked to the Project Gutenberg™ License for all works posted with the permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.

1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg™ License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg™.

1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project Gutenberg™ License.

1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg™ work in a format other than “Plain Vanilla ASCII” or other format used in the official version posted on the official Project Gutenberg™ website (www.gutenberg.org), you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon request, of the work in its original “Plain Vanilla ASCII” or other form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg™ License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.

1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg™ works unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.

1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing access to or distributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works provided that:

- • You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from the use of Project Gutenberg™ works calculated using the method you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark, but he has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the address specified in Section 4, “Information about donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation.”

- • You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg™ License. You must require such a user to return or destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of Project Gutenberg™ works.

- • You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days of receipt of the work.

- • You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free distribution of Project Gutenberg™ works.

1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg™ electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the manager of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark. Contact the Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.

1.F.

1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread works not protected by U.S. copyright law in creating the Project Gutenberg™ collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg™ electronic works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain “Defects,” such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by your equipment.

1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the “Right of Replacement or Refund” described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark, and any other party distributing a Project Gutenberg™ electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGE.

1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further opportunities to fix the problem.

1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you ‘AS-IS’, WITH NO OTHER WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.

1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.

1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone providing copies of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works in accordance with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works, harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg™ work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any Project Gutenberg™ work, and (c) any Defect you cause.

Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg™

Project Gutenberg™ is synonymous with the free distribution of electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from people in all walks of life.

Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg™’s goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg™ collection will remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure and permanent future for Project Gutenberg™ and future generations. To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 and the Foundation information page at www.gutenberg.org.

Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation

The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non-profit 501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal Revenue Service. The Foundation’s EIN or federal tax identification number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state’s laws.

The Foundation’s business office is located at 809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887. Email contact links and up to date contact information can be found at the Foundation’s website and official page at www.gutenberg.org/contact

Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation

Project Gutenberg™ depends upon and cannot survive without widespread public support and donations to carry out its mission of increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be freely distributed in machine-readable form accessible by the widest array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations ($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt status with the IRS.

The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any particular state visit www.gutenberg.org/donate.

While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who approach us with offers to donate.

International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.

Please check the Project Gutenberg web pages for current donation methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. To donate, please visit: www.gutenberg.org/donate.

Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg™ electronic works

Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg™ concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared with anyone. For forty years, he produced and distributed Project Gutenberg™ eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.

Project Gutenberg™ eBooks are often created from several printed editions, all of which are confirmed as not protected by copyright in the U.S. unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.

Most people start at our website which has the main PG search facility: www.gutenberg.org.

This website includes information about Project Gutenberg™, including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.

Table of Contents

A LOVER’S DIARY

INTRODUCTION

THE VISION

ABOVE THE DIN

LOVE’S COURAGE

LOVE’S LANGUAGE

ASPIRATION

THE MEETING

THE NEST

LOVE IS ENOUGH

AT THE PLAY

SO CALM THE WORLD

THE WELCOME

THE SHRINE

THE TORCH

IN ARMOUR,

IN THEE MY ART

DENIAL

TESTAMENT

CAPTIVITY

O MYSTIC WINGS

WAS IT THY FACE?

A WOMAN’S HAND

ONE FACE I SEE

MOTHER

WHEN FIRST I SAW THEE

THE FATES LAUGH

AS ONE WHO WAITETH

THE SEALING

THE PLEDGE

LOVE’S TRIBUTARIES

THE CHOICE

RECOGNITION

THE WAY OF DREAMS

THE ACCOLADE

FALLEN IDOLS

TENNYSON

THE ANOINTED ONES

DREAMS

THE BRIDE

THE WRAITH

SURRENDER

THE CITADEL

MALFEASANCE

ANNUNCIATION

VANISHED DREAMS

INTO THY LAND

DIVIDED

WE MUST LIVE ON

YET LIFE IS SWEET

LOST FOOTSTEPS

THE CLOSED DOOR

THE CHALICE

MIO DESTINO

I HAVE BEHELD

TOO SOON AWAY

THE TREASURE

DAHIN

LOVE’S USURY

THE DECREE

‘TIS MORNING NOW

SACRIFICE

SHINE ON

SO, THOU ART GONE

THE THOUSAND THINGS

THE SEA

THE CHART

REVEALING

OVERCOMING

WHITHER NOW

ARARAT

AS LIGHT LEAPS UP

THE DARKENED WAY

REUNITED

SONG WAS GONE FROM ME

GOOD WAS THE FIGHT

UNCHANGED

ABSOLVO TE

BENEDICTUS

THE MESSAGE

UNAVAILING

YOU SHALL LIVE ON

“VEX NOT THIS GHOST”

THE MEMORY

THE PASSING

ENVOY

THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE