“Henri is very nice ... but I believe it is Charles I love best.”

{3}

“Then marry Henri.”

“How did you know, papa, that I loved Mr. Leon?”

“Because you always told me about Mr. Paul.{7}”

To the first gentleman.—“Meet me this evening, from four to five o’clock, quai de l’Horloge du Palais.—Your Augustine.”

To the second gentleman.—“This evening, quai des Lunettes, between four and five o’clock.—Your Augustine.”

To the third gentleman.—“Quai des Morfondus, this evening, from four o’clock to five.—Your Augustine.”

To a fourth gentleman.—“I expect you this evening at four o’clock.—Your own Augustine.{9}”

“You frank! you innocent! have confidence in you!... you!... why! you would blow your nose with your left hand only for the pleasure of deceiving your right hand if you could!{10}”

“O, Henri! Henri! Mon Dieu, Mon Dieu!... To sacrifice oneself for so ungrateful a wretch!... Never see him again!... Never!... But will it ever be possible for me not to see my Henri again?...”

“Fortunately you have still got your Amédée.{11}”

“What woman is there that would not be happy and proud to belong to you, my Jules?{12}”

“Wretched woman! you will be the shame of your own sex and the despair of mine!{13}”

“Don’t make any payment to account! I tell you, the creditor who is not paid is only a creditor; the creditor who is paid is a tiger!{14}”

“Why, old man, this is Sunday.”

“What does that matter to you?”

“Why! (on Sundays, one does not care a rap for the bailiff) it matters this much, that I could go for a walk if I could get out.{15}”

“But how did you let yourself be caught like that?”

“Ask the wild ducks how they get caught!... He drew on me on March 1st, and I was arrested on April 5th: that’s how it happened.{16}”

“You see, grief does not make me thin! and I will give a piece of advice to my creditors, in their own interest; if they want to take me out of here, they had better make haste, for they will soon not be able to get me through the door.{17}”

“Do you see that swell coming in there?”

“Yes!”

“Do you know who he is?”

“Who?”

“Nobody at all.{18}”

Two suspicions.

“I was begging yesterday at the church doors: I got nothing.”

“I begged at the dancing halls: I did not badly.{21}”

“Here’s a fine old chap, who is going to give us something to drink his {22}health!... if he’s a good sort!... eh, old boy?”

Not much here!

“I’ve brought sweets for you, little chap; I’ll give you them when I go away.”

“Then give me them now and then go away.{24}”

“Mamma, it’s Mr.... you know, the gentleman with the nose....”

“I’ll tell!... you’ve taken some more of the rouge mamma puts on, out of the little pot.{26}”

“The rose you gave mamma?... Oh, yes, yes!... that you nearly broke your neck to get?... Why, cousin Anatole put it on Jacobin’s tail, Matthieu’s donkey.... Mamma did laugh!... Have you any more nuts?{27}”

“I have seen cousin enough, mamma, are you coming home.{28}”

“Oh! it is true! you have eyes like the lamps on your cab.... Well, Clémence was perfectly right, she was.{29}”

“You don’t know your lesson, your aunt will come and you will be scolded!...”

“Oh, yes, aunt ... she is with the fat hair-woman.... You don’t know how long it takes to remove the stuff they put in aunt’s hair to make it black afterwards.{30}”

“Adieu, madam, I shall call again soon, since you permit me to come to bore you like this sometimes.”

“Oh! you never bore me.”

“Yes, mamma, you said the other day he was a bore.”

“It is not true!... Mamma, George is telling lies again!... Mamma said he was stupid and a bore!... Now!{31}”

“I am keeping a ticket for you, my dear Charles, for Chantereine; I am playing the ‘Maid of Honour.’”

“That will be funny!”

“ ...All my friends are coming.”

“The place will be full.{32}”

At Her Levee

1st Criticism.—“It is impossible to exhibit more wit, more gaiety, more cleverness than does Madame Polydor in the part of Suzette; it is impossible to be more refined and elegant.”

2nd Criticism.—“Decidedly, Madame Polydor shows herself more insignificant than ever in the part of Suzette.”

3rd Criticism.—“Etc., etc., etc., etc.{33}”

The Part

“See: the waves of the inhuman sea have left nothing for us on the sand. The blighting wind of the desert has passed over the traveller’s tree, and its branch, alas! is withered.... Alas! my eyes have sought in vain the life-giving seeds in the odorous grass that the tempest has levelled, and in the abandoned nests of the young birds of the shore!... O, mother!... mother!... I hunger!”

“Well, here is your coffee, Titine.{34}”

Studying

“At last, then, you have come, oh monster, soiled with crime!{35}”

“Oh, Lord! protect a Christian virgin.{36}”

“We sup at Véry’s, Chozikof and I, with Mlle. Beaupertuis.... Will you come, my charmer?”

“Your proposal, Count, is of a nature likely to compromise gravely the interests of our faithful ally, England.... Nevertheless we shall consider it; but, whatever we resolve, we shall keep it secret from Russia; we give you, Count, our royal word.{37}”

“Madame Charmant, you spoke the pavilion scene like an angel: it is perfect! but do not mount the stairs so quickly; you must leave Sir Arthur time to kill himself.{38}”

“Does Madame de Saint-Aiglemont live here, madam, if you please?{39}”

“Yes ... M’ame Chiffet!... you’re wanted.”

“Blow”

“Come on! come on! will you ever have the yard swept this morning.... It is eight o’clock already!... and you have the middle flat’s boots to do yet and your piano to study....{41}”

“Why deprive oneself of the superfluous, when one can dispense with the necessary? With what a housekeeper costs, one has two stalls at the opera.{42}”

“Adieu, my good fellow, I leave you my pipe and my wife.... You will take great care of my pipe!...{43}”

Article 212 of the Civil Code

“Husband and wife owe one another fidelity, succour, assistance.{44}”

“It is I!” “It is I!” “She is making eyes at me.” “She is winking at me.” “You are mistaken, my boy.” “You are wrong, old man.{46}” Both together, “Stop, stop, stop, we are both right ... she squints!”

“And on Sunday, what do you do, my boy?”

“On Sunday, cousin, we walk in a garden called the Grande-Chaumière, where we hear sacred music.”

“After church?”

“After church, cousin....{47}”

“Ah, my dear fellow, don’t pity yourself! You will be doctor, I shall be a royal attorney: while you will be obliged to have talent, I will be compelled to have manners.”

“That will be hard!{48}”

Studying Law.

“Confound it, nephew, it is good to be a hard worker, but one cannot always work, so, in the country, one amuses oneself: do like me.{50}”

“You haven’t given me the fifty francs you have been owing me for six months, you rascal!”

“Very well, godfather, that will stand for the interest on the three hundred you have given me.”

“How that?”

“Because it is fifteen days since I asked for them. Godfather, one ought to be exact!{51}”

“When people say you have a wife, that means a wife has you.{52}”

“How much does a suit like that cost?”

“I don’t know.”

“Heaven grant, my dear fellow, that you may never know.{53}”

“I wanted to tell you, uncle, ... that....”

“I know! don’t trouble: I have no money.{54}”

One has often need of a smaller than oneself.

“Now you’re done for!... My dear fellow, your idiot of a groom has mistaken the bouquet: your letter for the niece has gone to the aunt.”

“Oh, the deuce!!! After all, what does it matter? Now that I think of it, I like the aunt better.{56}”

“You must make up your mind, let’s see!... marry Claire, with the Forest of Nangie, or take Clémence, you will have The Mills!... Do you wish the forest or the mills?” “Ah, godfather, I would like....” “The forest and the mills?” “Godfather, I would like Félicie, who has neither forest nor mills....” “You are a fool, godson.” “I am in love, godfather.” “You are a fool, godson.{57}”

Funeral Oration.

“Ah! her woman’s nature was a rich one! pretty, all heart! full of wit ... and so good!{59}”

“Yes, that is true!... However, ... there are others.”

“But at your age, rascal! I did not know what debts were....”

“Just what I was saying this morning, uncle, to my nephew, when I gave him fifteen sous: that scamp ruins me.{60}”

“Let’s see! if it is heads, I love Clara; if it is tails, I love Augustine.{61}”

“That’s no business of yours, what are you interfering with? is her husband not there to thrash her?...{62}”

“What a lot of women there are! what a lot!... And when you think that all these people eat every day God makes! It gives you a queer idea of man!{63}”

“You are here, are you! that’s the way you have a headache?”

“That’s how you attend drill, is it?{64}”